Metamorphosized

Stand up. Say it out loud. Say it with love. Put it into the universe. Trust the process. Let it happen. Enjoy each moment. Know that everything is happening for good. Care about how you feel and reach for what feels good. See what happens. Meditate. Get more clarity. Put more desires out into the world and start to create the most joyous life you can imagine. Yeah, I am pretty happy these days, and life is beautiful. These are the main sentiments that resonate over and over in my mind since I chose to heal myself naturally from cancer. 

The vital lessons learned within this process have schooled this teacher into a whole new life and adventures that go beyond my wildest dreams. Living, learning, creating, connecting with myself and others, being and sending love, thankfulness, enjoying mother nature, and trusting the process have all catapulted my eternal self into a world of bliss. Yes, it’s true. Life feels different. Life feels good. Life feels abundant. I catch the sunrise and sunset every day. The water and sky have never looked so blue. The birds seem to chirp so loud, and I feel happy as they fly from tree to tree. The grass DOES look greener on the other side. The flowers seem so fragrant. Vegetables have never tasted so good. Herbs and spices have never smelled so aromatic.

In my past professional life, I had the typical mentality of a Personal Trainer. You exercise daily, eat clean, and lose weight or gain muscle to feel better. Technically, you expend more calories than you put in your body to make it happen, or you gradually lift heavier and heavier weights. I saw many people bandwagon, including myself.  This lifestyle was not fun for me. I was your typical hamster on the wheel every day, preaching and supporting the same thing that did not feel good. That’s how I was schooled, and that is what I did to live in the world and pay my bills. I had good jobs and was very independent, very capable, but very unhappy. I did not know I was so unhappy because I was also a professional emotion squasher. I lived in an ego world filled with narcissism, fake news, fake reality, blindness, and numbness. I put on my blinders and mask every day and rolled with it for years. I learned along the way that I was also a control freak. I learned this was a coping mechanism and about feeling safe. However, it did not provide safety, it made things worse. I lived as a broken little girl filled with self-doubt, unworthiness, shame, and guilt all those years. I lived in my past trauma and my past stories. I had unresolved emotional hurts, so I became a workaholic to help me get through the days.

In my past personal life, I had failed in every relationship. Or at least that is how I perceived it. Since I was a workaholic, I made little time for family and friends. I woke up every day feeling stressed and pressured to do more. I was constantly on the computer working on side projects and trying to create the next thing for myself. I was tired. I was unfulfilled. I drank, ate, shopped, and watched movies to keep myself busy and make it all go away. I thought I was chasing the dream. I had done it for years and knew no better. I constantly compared and critiqued myself. My presentation to the world looked very happy and balanced, and I had it all. Inside, I felt like crap. I had been in the entertainment industry for years too. I realized that was my outlet to be free all those years. Thank God for music and dance. They really saved my life. I was able to cope and exist within dysfunctional relationships for many years. I lived with stress and constant anxiety, but I did not know it at the time. My days were filled with making myself busy. I was disconnected from the world and people and had no idea It could be different. My typical nights were filled with drinking wine, hammering away on the computer, and saying a quick hello to my then-boyfriend.  I vividly recall a particular night when I stood up, took a sip, and in my head questioned the universe by saying, “This can’t be it. I wonder what is gonna happen next”. I wanted life to be different. I wanted to feel better.

Well, the following season in life arrived, and it stormed hard. My sister got cancer; then I got cancer, then my boyfriend and I ended our relationship, then my mom got cancer, then my mom died, then my stepmom died, then covid happened, then I lost all my jobs, then my aunt died. Within that storm is when it all started drastically shifting. I went from living out my broken little girl syndrome to living the most blissful life. This change of season lasted five years. This teacher got schooled big time by the universe. It was the most beautiful, ugly, messy, hopeless, hopeful, sad, loving, fearful, fearless, happy, angry, and uplifting free fall I had ever experienced. 

So what happened? My only explanation is that I witnessed a deep exploration of the human metamorphosis process. I am still here, and probably for a good reason. Looking back now, I can’t believe I lived the way I did for so long.  I did not know how to allow the beautiful human process to take place healthily. I was filled with past unresolved traumas, a belief system that did not serve me well, and eventually, it translated into a chronic disease. It also translated into a chronic disease for the women in my family. It made me question everything. Why and how was this happening?

I decided to heal myself naturally. I stood up and said to the universe, “ Whatever I have to do to be better, lay it on me. I will do whatever it takes, show me the way”. That is when the storm turned into a category five life hurricane. I am deeply humbled by what I observed and experienced. I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. I found my way home. Instead of trying to buy a home, I was guided to look within, where home exists. Within that single lesson remains many other lessons I learned along the way down my yellow brick road. Nowadays, I enjoy the rain and storms and realize the universe is speaking, so I pay close attention. 

As I reflect and tapestry together all that happened, it all makes sense nowadays. It was like I was trying to put together a puzzle and had missing pieces. I found the pieces, and now it looks complete. I feel complete. Life is bittersweet. I now chase sunrises and sunsets. I have daily self-care rituals. I am currently a professional emotion feeler and releaser. I cry happy tears. I feel good about myself. I have purpose and clarity. I enjoy and trust the process of life. I am a fulfilled human being. I meditate daily and am guided by my moms and the universe. I feel part of the whole and oneness. I love to observe and soak up all the universe shows me daily. I love to connect with people and learn about them and their journeys. I take time to smell the flowers daily and am so happy to be alive in this human experience. I was shown that anything and everything is possible. I jumped into the deep ocean and swam to its depths, and was able to make it back to the surface. 

The beauty I witnessed within the storm was so profound that I have to share it. My intention now is to support others In their own transitional experiences, to be a light, to be sunshine, and to infuse happiness into the world. I have walked the walk, and I survived and thrived. I am cancer free, a joyful human being, and I look forward to each day.  It’s about feeling good, being healthy,  enjoying life, and having the power to create the most delicious life you can dream of. I hope to create portals to express all I continue to experience and help lift others along the way. I think there are many ways to live life. Like a garden, we plant seeds, need water to sustain ourselves, bask in the sunshine and fresh air, and flourish into beauty if we take care of ourselves. We can mimic natural universal processes, which are our best teachers. I feel purpose. I feel love. I know we are all doing our best, and hopefully, we can have fun together in this lifetime—cheers to living, loving, doing, and being what we desire.