Opening minds and hearts to Hope and Inspiring Change to Lead a Creative Life!
Just like farts that are silent but deadly, the same goes for our voices. I believe we were put on earth to connect and interact with each other. I believe that is how we can thrive instead of just survive. I have encountered many personal battles during my lifetime when it comes to “just speaking up”. I often wondered the road blocks when I was unable to speak at all. I wondered why can I not speak, as if someone grabbed my throat and I was unable to speak and was reacting in fear. I am sure there is a whole psychology on not speaking up. I am not saying we should all speak up and be activists and leaders such as Martin Luther King, BUT I am saying that we can always just say what is on our mind. I think the fear is… will I be “rejected” , what will “they think of me”, or are they “angry” at me now.
I think it also goes a step further because it involves the listener as well. A good listener takes in what he/she says without wanting to rebut right away because he/she thinks he/she is right. It’s not about being right, it’s about just listening and letting everyone be who they are at every moment in time. I actually considered myself an above average communicator and listener. I am not so sure that is true or was true. I have made great strides at really honing these skills the past 2 years and it has got me thinking… what else is involved in being a good communicator and listener? I have the technical side down, I even have the connecting to spirit side down, but for whatever reason I still get hung up on HOW the other person REACTS and what my perception is of that reaction. It has been a strong lesson on “you can only change yourself” and “you cannot change others” and “everything is ok”, and “everyone is doing the best they can at every moment in time”. I have really embraced these philosophies and am slowly trying to re-emerge myself in the communication game.
For myself it has been a paralysis that usually creeps up during relationships or confrontational moments with people. The idea of “losing yourself” in a relationship by essentially not being your authentic self because… why? I really don’t know. I think it partly has to do with loving another person and you feel you are doing “the right thing” or you are simply letting them “be themselves” and somewhere down the line you let go too much of who you are and start feeling bad? You have failed to look out for yourself and what you really want and believe and for whatever reason you were not able to take a stand and just be yourself? Lots of philosophies and analyzations, maybe we just need to breathe and talk. :) . The idea of "not liking confrontation? and avoiding the “speak your mind” talks for me were about not being grounded and believing in myself enough to speak. I guess that would be part of low self-esteem or just plan fear about being me? Back to the SELF blog I go and read again so I can get it better this time around. I thought I had ended that battle and had no idea is leaked into this one! :(
Perhaps I am making no sense and just rambling at this point. Perhaps it is just me and one of my issues I need to work on a bit more during this lifetime. I know people who are very confrontational and speak at every moment they can AND I also know people who are submissive and say nothing, AND I also know people who just have a hard time speaking up on certain topics or with certain people or in certain situations. I think all 3 of those categories are about being a good communicator and a good listener, it goes both ways. I guess my point is we can all help out and be better communicators and better listeners by practicing both ends of the spectrum. Communication is via physical body actions, voice tones and “perceptual spins” on what you say. So I guess the answer is just really try to be the best version of you and that is what will come out naturally.
I am also an advocate for learning how to deliver your thoughts in ways that will provide your self with a positive outcome. I think this is a more advanced skill. It involves really connecting and listening and responding at a soul level. It takes into account the other persons emotions and the idea of just being empathetic. I am not saying you need to take on other peoples problems and get all OPP with it :) But I am saying there is an ART to really BEING with another person and giving them the time and respect of human kindness and letting them be vulnerable and not feel bad for what they need to say at that moment in time. Just remember we all have a right to change our mind. We all don’t say what we really mean the first time around sometimes because maybe it is just not honed perfectly in our brains yet and we don’t have clarity yet. Be patient with each other. We are truly all trying and doing our best based on what we know so far. So help each other out. Teach someone if you can. Tell your story. Speak your mind. Don’t stay silent. I am living proof that silence CAN manifest itself within your body in very chronic ways, CANCER is my story. It only creates more problems by not speaking. Even if you think someone will get “angry”, do it. Emotions are brief and they subside. They will get over it, and if they can’t , don’t hang around.
You have a valid voice and are important and speaking up helps us all live more fulfilling lives. So don’t get stressed out and hung up on thinking what “you think will happen” when you “speak up” but remember that it will help us all live more happily with each other as a human race. I know that might be hard to grasp but it is true. Even if you don’t agree or you feel the contrast in your bones and it doesn’t feel good. It is resolvable. No matter what. If we all become better communicators and listeners we just might have a chance at a happier and more peaceful life.
the starbucks lady is a gangsta. she has lots of swag. take a look. you will never look at a starbucks sign the same after today.
As always, thanks for reading and listening.
Tami Herbst xo