Day #2190

     Yup, 6 years since a cancer diagnosis that turned my self into a thriver. I am proof of self-advocacy and self-healing and feel obliged to share the knowledge of this wealth. Most days I have such a clear and peaceful and thankful and abundant feeling. It feels so much more grandiose than anything I have ever experienced. When I was introduced to Cancer, I was at the climax of living with fear  and lacked self-worth and self-love. I had been living life as a victim. Now I was the victim of a chronic and deadly disease. I was in a fight and flight and freeze and fawn mode all at the same time. I learned over the course of the years that  it does not have to be this way and we have the power to create our own realities.  I am here to share thought and live as an example of possibility. Even though my professional background is in wellness and fitness, I am not here to tell people what to do when facing chronic disease or unhappiness. I can only speak of what I  have experienced. I don’t think my “cure” is the process for everyone. I think everything can work in some capacity and each individual needs to make their own decisions on what is best for them. That is what I call self advocacy. What you believe,  is most likely what will work. I educated myself about health. I made my own decisions. My experience is that the mind is powerful enough to get the complete body functioning at 100%.  I have experienced the mind being so powerful that it can dictate our lives. Really. We are so free that we have the ability to choose whatever we want. Really. So ask for what you desire and get out of the way. It all works out and everything is ok. I now have many power tools that help create a healthy body, a healthy mind, and a soulful existence.  So put me on the research radar and know that I am proof of natural healing. It is possible.

     They say to make lemonade when you are given lemons. Well I got a whole lemonade making system down pat and continue to lazy raft down this lemonade river. My dysfunctional long term relationships (most importantly the one with my self)  have been eclipsed by a deeper connection with the essence of who I am. The death of my moms sped up the learning process of letting go and truly believing in my self without any crutches or attachments. Surviving Covid and all the societal conflicts  have  taught me an even deeper meaning of learning how to stand my ground in a pleasant manner and not get caught up defending myself.  Losing job titles and creating a new life with new passions has been a jaw dropping experience that I don’t think I have words for yet. In the end and in the beginning I believe I was and am here to experience joy and be a creator and lover, so that is how my life will remain for now. I know no better and know no less so it is what it is folks. That is my report and that is what I know as possibility.

     I am still here. I still have fears and am opening up to self-mastery. I have shifted from self-sabotage to living with joy and prosperity. I now love Mondays and the thought of what the week has in store for me. I feel comfort in expanding myself as a human and feel sadness when I remain stagnant. I gain peace and prosperity with meditation and being quiet and being a good listener. I enjoy being an observer, explorer, and taking on new adventures. I love this mindfulness stuff, enjoy dreaming,  and have acceptance for the past. I like to lead with love and see the good in humanity no matter what the scenario. I am in a sense re-birthed and am navigating my way to my purpose, passions, likes, and desire to feel really connected and safe with the universe. All I can say is this has been the biggest excursion ever and I am trying to enjoy the process, trust the process, and feel safe and secure and really believe that everything is ok. This is what I know as hope. Putting out your desires, getting out of the way, and watching it all come to fruition. It is amazing and I am in awe, really.

     The choice of living freely has been eye-opening. I knew what I knew in the past and now I know better and do better and be better and feel better. I was doing the best that I could and now that I know better life has changed and I love it!! I have surprised myself in many ways and look forward to learning more each day. The journey never stops and I am glad. I feel like a new born that is in awe of everything and learning from a new lense, a perspective that is not influenced by anything, and a love for self and humanity that supercedes the ocean depths. It really feels a bit crazy to be honest. I feel like I am in la la land going coo coo some days. I love watching people shine, I love to see people react to life with happiness,  and I love just being, and  seeing nature and all of it’s beauty. I think that is why performing and traveling brings me so much peace and clarity and joy. It’s been a mission to expand my mind's perspectives and what it means to be part of humanity and be a soul. It is a very personal process and I am sure it is different for each person. This process has allowed for wonderful results and gifts that I never expected.

     My next leg of life is figuring out  what #watchmefly represents in my life. I know it is my 2nd half of life’s mission to be of service. I know it has to do with living life and how we have the power to create the best life. I will keep representing all who desire to reach our own personal joy capacity and our transition to the next. I think we will surprise ourselves. I am surprised every day. I will continue to share and it is my joy to share. So if you see a selfie of me in the mountains, or enjoying the oceans, or smelling the flowers, or kissing someone on the cheek, or smiling with friends, or admiring family, or sharing my band life, or posting motivational words,  it is not to brag, it is to remind us ALL of possibility. It is not to rub in what we might not be doing in our lives or make us feel bad, it is to inspire. It is not on display for accolades or likes, it is to show a vision to get our minds moving forward to reach our own personal desires. I am not gonna lie, sometimes I have to go back and look at all my own pictures and videos to remind myself what I am doing and why I am here and my own possibility. I am not exempt. I am really into the travel instagrammers right now, some of the sights don't even seem real, It creates an excitement to keep exploring.  The Universe along with humanity  has created so many interesting things that can be absorbed by our  senses. It really is amazing. My plan is to soak up everything my senses can tolerate cuz when our physical bodies are not here anymore, those things probably go away.  So I make sure I say I love you, give my cat endless hugs and smooches, catch every sunrise and sunset, eat delicious and natural foods, say yes to doing things with friends and participating, make time for family, reach out to all that I love to let them know I am here and ask how life is, and keep on trucking along with experiencing self-care modalities. It’s all been a pleasure really.

     If someone was to ask me what I have learned to date it would be a very hard question to answer since mostly everything has shifted. I learned that I don’t really know much at all. I am ok with that.  I meditate and look for the sunshine to feel the joys of life. It’s so different and I know there is not a magic pill to turn towards this direction. But I can sure share the tools and re-education that has taken place for me. I suppose that is part of what #watchmefly will morph into, sharing experience that inspires  people to go create their own possibility.

If I were to make any BOLD statements about my experience to date it would read something like this…

1- Cancer is NOT unstoppable and NOT the enemy
2- The body wants to be healthy and has the ability to self-heal
3- Being our own advocates is part of healing
4 -The feeling of bliss is very obvious when we start to master the self
5- The mind is a powerful tool that creates our individual realities
6- When we start to care about how we feel, life gets easier to steer
7- We are all doing the best we can with what we know so far
8- Being love at all times has served me the best in this lifetime

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