Seeing and remembering pictures and moments of being a little girl reminds me of my mother. They are happy memories. They are free memories. They are moments that helped define where I am today as a woman. I see pictures of me as a child and see and feel vividly where and how I got to be a human with a whole bunch of my mothers' characteristics and qualities and thoughts just seemingly pasted on me like an art project that has lots of “character” to it. I am appreciative of all that was passed on to me, I am grateful to all that was drilled into me ever so softly, and I am in awe at how I came to be… really. I like to jokingly tell my mom it’s “all her fault” when something goes awry and we laugh and giggle cuz we know it’s partially true and mostly not true. We both take full responsibility for ourselves and fully understand we bring on everything by ourselves and this is probably why we laugh. We have been frustrated and angry with each other at times and we always enjoy the sunshine together. We are willing to try the same things BUT we like different things. We get it. We get each other.
A mother can guide you, fix your boo boo’s on the spot, prepare you for the real world, show you how to get yourself together on the outside to make a good impression, can show you how to always be ready, she will be there in an instant when no-one else is there, she will jump through hoops to make sure you get to where you want to be, she will give you the LOOK when you are NOT on the right track, she will laugh at all your jokes even when aimed sarcastically at her, she will go get a coffee and talk with you when everyone else is busy, she gets more excited than you when YOU advance in life, she prepares the best gifts for you cuz she’s known you since birth, she walks to her own drummer, she talks when needed and listens fully when it is important, she is ride or die even if she doesn’t know it, AND that is all BEFORE she even starts to think about her own day.
I am not a mother but just letting flow out of this keyboard what seems to be true of my own mother and the mothers I have seen in action. I don’t think I will ever see a natural born motherhood from myself in this lifetime so I take time to understand what that role really encapsulates. I like to consider myself with good intuition, can see the whole picture, and can really empathize with others type of person. I THINK that makes me special?. :) Go ahead and count yourself into this category as well so we can all feel good together. :) (still smiling) … I know perfectly well that everyone is special and we are all here to experience life and be a human and to be creative and have fun, and whatever else you believe! Which brings me to WHAT really provoked this blog… knowing who I am on the inside and rediscovering WHO and WHAT I am and WHERE I want to GO and BE and WHO and WHAT I want to experience, and WHY am I here and HOW do I reach bliss and HOW do I wake up every morning feeling happy? WELL… for me I look at this dance group picture up above that I have posted and remember it ALL!! Just like I never forgot, just like I know the exact path, just like I have all the feel good feelings, just like I am beyond prepared and ready for anything type of look, just like that feeling of ease is expressed and felt so familiarly, just like “i got this “ type of look, just confident , in the front row, smiley and poised, ready for anything type of look. Yep, I got it from my momma and THIS picture sure oozes my mom from what I have become to know of her to date. It also oozes the true essence of WHO I am, WHAT my aura and demeanor say about what is going on inside, and WHAT POSSIBILITIES are in front of me. NOW all I have to do is remember, believe it , go for it, and be happy going through the process, and milking all the goodness out of the actual manifestations of what my desires bring to reality for myself.
The journey continues for our family, for myself, and my mom who is a #truetrooper and we all are rooting for "judy on the loose"
( another story in the making) to make a comeback in her own cancer journey. I don't have all the words to express the past couple months but I CAN see the goodness coming out of this contrast. The 2nd half of life and the last 1/4 of life are ones that were very unfamiliar to me only a handful of years ago. Today seems like a new lifetime and a new outlook on what life is, what life brings, how we navigate ourselves through it, and how we choose to look and be within it..... much love and peace and health and bliss to you all.
Happy Holidays and as always thanks for listening... Tami xo
This is my beautiful mother…..
Tami Herbst xo