It sure is about baby steps. Comparative to how I was thinking pre-cancer, I had grandiose ideas that seemed overwhelming to achieve. The set up in my mind was full of trickery, internal negative talk, and a negative self image. Never satisfied and always anxious and putting pressure on myself and listening to everyone else and taking everything personal. This mentality was applied towards most things in my life. Boy was my head messed up! My visions were legit, but the process in getting there was none and I was causing myself unnecessary daily stress. I am slowly morphing into a NEW and IMPROVED Tami during my natural healing of cancer journey. To be honest, I don't think much about having disease, I don't let it define me, but i do get caught up in this whole transformation thing. I am still transforming and this one is a doozy. I remember being in my mid 20's, unhappy and unfulfilled and really examining my life at that point in time. I went through about a year of Transformation and yes I thought I had it all figured out. That was my first mistake. Little did my 20something self know that every day, week, month, year, century is all about growing and changing. It's funny how each decade of my life has brought on a whole new meaning to life and my approach. The 40's actually ain't so bad, considering all that I have been blessed with to learn and grow and all the friends and family and awesome people I have encountered.
The beautiful flowers resemble all the gifts I was given and how I can shine and live a colorful life and be a colorful me! It has been interesting, because when the plants have not been taken care of properly they dry up or wilt from too much heat. I felt like a bad plant mom when I saw them in this state. I gave them all a good watering and walah! they bounced back to normal colorful status! Just like living life and picking yourself up after tough times or situations. It was the element of paying attention, seeing and feeling it, taking action to make it better, then seeing the great results! Who would have known some plants and herbs would teach me so much?!! My spirit says thanks to the creator. My mind is still processing. My emotions are warm and fuzzy. My body and eyeballs just enjoy sitting within the color and greenery. :) So all is good in the hood. Day by day they continue to grow.
this is my Dad.....
this is my Dad taking a selfie....
He is the perfect example of taking it day by day. He has been a good example my whole life, I just did not take the time to REALLY enjoy him and let his "in the momentness" rub off on me. He is in his 70's and still spends each week working, cleaning the house, makes meals, fixes what is broken, rises early, organizes each day before I am probably even thinking about getting up, takes time to call me and run through his itinerary, and even goes to my shows once in a while! He really is the coolest Dad ever. He does not stress himself out and let the hard times get him down. He just keeps going like the energizer bunny. He has been this way ever since I can remember and has not deviated. He is in great health and wears a smile every day. He is constantly helping people and giving all that he knows how. I am sure he wakes up with a clear conscience every day and feels great about himself and life. As I am typing these words I am realizing I have the BEST example in front of me and feel super lucky to realize this and to be a part of his life while we are here on earth. I think I ned to call him now and tell him so!
Last but not least is dealing with myself day by day. I am last on this blog because I am working on not being too selfish. However it does not mean I am least. Still working on this negative self perception too. I like this pic because I look confident and peaceful. 2 areas which have been a struggle for me. Yes this is a band pic and it is me being "DJ ShorT" and that is a bit of acting, but it gets me in the right frame of mind sometimes and helps build my character as a human being. Day by Day in this band has created MANY learning lessons for me. My relationship with this band has been a bowlful of cherries AND somewhat torturous on my body and mind. I will add that I made it torturous for myself at times but that was part of the growth spurts and learning how to be strong in my convictions as a person AND learn from all the personalities that are in the band and in front of me when performing. It has been a whirlwind of excitement, butterflies, self-expansion, making myself vulnerable, learning how to be comfortable with myself, socializing , reeling in the demons in my brain, self-expression, different stages of metamorphosis, standing strong as a woman, and being at peace with everything at the end of the day. It is more week by week instead of day by day since I have seen these peeps EVERY weekend the past 14 years. They are extended family and I feel lucky to have this opportunity, especially on my worst days. Thx fam.
Tami Herbst xo