So I have been taking a yoga & meditation class and a sound healing class. The 4 week excursion has turned into even more learning, aha moments, peace, balance, bumps, and possibly a bit of levitation. The mission is to achieve physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. I am going for the happiest and healthiest version of me so this seemed to be the right fit for me now. Most recently in one of our discussions with the teacher she mentioned our “attachments” as human beings. It really got me thinking. Hence, I write a another blog post.
My mission now is recognizing my attachments and how to detach if they are not serving me well. I realized that some of my sadness comes from letting go of loved ones and realizing that as independent as I have been my whole life, I was pretty dependent on people close to me as a source of confidence and approval. Yuck. It was a set up for failure and feeling bad and helped harness unhealthy relationships with others and myself. I understand the depths of how it contributed to me not being my authentic self and created a lot of self dislike. Perhaps some hatred.
The brutally honest version would be I have lived in fear of not being enough most of my life and this whole process of transforming myself that was spawned by cancer has been about connecting with myself, being ok with myself, believing in myself, loving myself, and being able to truly do these things by myself. These attachments to peoples, places, things are facades of the truth about ourselves until we can achieve it without anybody or anything but what resides within ourselves. We often to look to these alternative "things" as a means of instant gratification but in the end that's where they remain. Nothing instant in my experience has ever really tasted good or been any kind of "quality". Over the long term these attachments fester into a false sense of self. A not knowing one self. And really not knowing the alternative.
The 2 closest people in my life are no longer “here for me” in the same way and the ugliness of this attachment issue has been exposed! I can’t say it’s a bad thing cuz it is pushing me to address all aspects of me and really dig deep into my mind, body, and soul. This is a push to continue healing from the roots, plant new seeds, and carry on with life in a new way. A healthy way. I never really saw it this way but to me it makes total sense and I now have clarity. I my case, the more I understand the better I seem to progress with my life and as a human. These attachments are just that, nothing else. It is up to me to detach. I get it now. I did not know. My bad, but now my good. Yay for me. Yay so my brain stops having crazy thoughts. And yay to figuring out the puzzle so I can get these emotions out and move on.
I really can’t believe my life the past 4 years. So many twists, turns, opening cans of worms, taking out the trash, so many emotions, so many people, so many magical moments realized, so much more in the moment, more meaningful relationships with people, more fun, more sad, more sunlight, more darkness, so much appreciation, so much love. It’s like a movie when I look back and a movie that I now view in real time. These movies are no longer my reality. Right here, right now is my reality and what comes next is my reality. The universe has done it’s magic and it was all a set up to get here, now, and on to the next. I am thankful.
Thx for listening-
If we can just recognize that the non filtered version is sooooo beautiful! We see our flaws and others see something very different. Why is that? We speak something and someone’s interpretation can be drastically different, why? We listen and can hear our version so clearly yet fail to listen and live through what the other person is expressing or feeling, why? A better question than WHY might be how can I slow down, turn off my own personal thoughts and feelings, just be present, listen to the words, not judge, no criticism or reaction about what the “right “ answer is that is yours, just let the other person be, not take anything personal, not come to any conclusion about what we “think” is what they meant, and just let it be and move forward and leave it in the past like a movie that played and is over? I dunno. It takes practice is all I can say. I hope I got it better this time around. So if I haven’t told you lately, I love you. I hope you all can hear me and I hope we are all kosher and that life CAN be a bowlful of cherries!
I am hoping to be inspired and able to find the courage and the words soon. I am moving towards the real and authentic me so I CAN be me in hopes that I will feel good and be able to express to all what it is that I mean and BE Who I truly am. Life is many journeys. Each journey rich with it's own purpose. Each purpose closer to finding and living the most authentic you. I hope I can say to all what I really mean before we meet again. I hope you can say what you really mean when we meet again. My light is your light and I would gladly bask in the light together until we feel complete bliss cuz that is what we are meant to do. Cheers my friends and cheers to many beams of light.
Thx for listening-
I am no psychiatrist BUT my run-in with emotions the past few years has sure taught me a lot. I used to bang around like a pinball machine with my self and my emotions. I was a suppressor of emotions since I can remember. Doesn’t mean I didn’t have emotions, it was just hard for them to get out. I like to explain emotions by using them as a barometer to determine where you are at, your current state of mind, what you are vibrating, and experiencing. In short, they help us realize we are human, let us release, and will likely disappear after you sleep on it.
As I proceed with my self-transformation I have had many run-ins with many crappy emotions. It sucks. They are not fun. BUT, they go away and you can sure learn how to speed up the process with many outlets in your life. My outlets in the past were always exercise, food, and drinking. I have been working on balancing how to release and that includes talking, connecting with people, meditation, sniffing essential oils, any kind of physical exercise, any kind of music or art, positive thoughts, and a lot of deep breathing. These all seem to do the trick for me.
It’s kinda like poop. You eat/absorb food into your body then it has to come out! The perfect S shaped poop is what Dr. Oz says is healthy. In comparison, we soak up life and thoughts and beliefs and perceptions , our body digests and spits out the reaction through emotion. Hopefully most of the time we have that perfect S-emotion which we can think of as happy or joyful feelings instead of negative or sad or angry or depressed emotions. I am finding now that I am actually tuned into my emotions and aware that is half the battle and I just let them come and go as they please cuz you can’t control em. Today however they are more of the S-emotions with some sad ones sprinkled here and there… life continues and we get on board the ships and keep sailing along… waiting to get to the next destination in life. We ride the waves and hopefully can learn how to slow down and enjoy the journey, take the contrast in life and grow from it, steer the ship with ease by becoming our best self, and become brilliant creators and receivers of the life we desire.
Thx for listening once again to my cancer chronicles....
Tami Herbst xo