4 month marker check-in point

     It's that time. Time to check in with myself and see how I am doing. I would like to brag about some of my accomplishments thus far: Great raw diet and experimenting with new raw recipes, first 2 successful tasty treats in my food dehydrator, 2 detoxes finished without any major cravings or fall offs, house is full of GREEN cleaning supplies and I am digging into DIY cleaning supplies, replaced my old toiletries and cosmetics with natural product, removed products with FRAGRANCE and am using Essential Oils in lieu,  Green Drink and Meditation and  Trampoline jumping every day, finished 2 Healing Sessions at the Ayurvedic center, met with a Naturopath, cleaned out closets  and cabinets at house, currently taking a meditation class, currently doing an online Inner Engineering class for the spirit, hung out with family and friends on many occasions, ordered herbs and supplements and oils for future use after detox cleanses, TRYING to get cats on a more natural diet, watch daily videos and read books for self-help purposes.

As patty perfect as this all might sound, I still have a long way to go. Just like a diet, the maintenance and permanence of what you have created is often overlooked and the more challenging part!  I have been seeking solace at my home the past 2 months and have started to create a pretty zen atmosphere that include diffusers, essential oils, just keeping it extra tidy, no more background junk TV- only meditation youtube videos, and a mindful day of being in the moment as I chug through my new daily routines. I am getting out of my robes in February and plan to hit the town! I really want to continue my adventures. To date the Flying Trapeze lessons took the cake and were REALLY awesome! I am becoming an adrenaline junkie i think! This whole living in the moment is really fun and creates lots of happiness. I have not mastered it by any means, but even a little improvement in this area feels really great!

My sleep was pretty restless the past 3 months but it getting better. I felt the need to check in with myself one night. WARNING: it was not a good night. I hope the videos are not too much of a debbie downer, they are just things I needed to get out and that are important for my journey.  As you know I have been doing a tremendous amount of self-work. Meaning, I make it a daily 2-3 hours of "work" that I am putting in towards help shift my thoughts, my emotions, my ego, my spirit, and my habits. The goal is to reach a much higher level of consciousness so the new me is reacting to life, really experiencing life, and leading with spirit instead of the ego at all times.  Much easier said than done! The idea of change and the action of change and the general notion of "just experiencing" things has brought a whole new dimension that I really didn't think about and was possibly avoiding for what I thought was good reasoning. 

These changes will be permanent.  This means my socialization and day to day interactions will change.  The fact is, most socialization that I have known, takes place around food and alcohol.  If I am only drinking let's say 1x a month and eating  a mostly vegan and raw diet, who is gonna want to hang out with me? Will I ever be as fun as I once was years ago? I definitely learned i was using alcohol to numb my emotions and just get by without really feeling much. Sounds so nasty to say and it really sucks. I got wrapped up in just coasting through my days and forgot about what really brings me joy. No más!  I will keep digging my new path this February and let you know how this socialization things goes.

One night I found myself pretty down and feeling angry but couldn't pinpoint it so I went down to the bathroom and sat and cried until I could talk and figure it out. RESULT- these 5 videos of Bathroom Talk. :) I realized I have been cooping up my emotions, which is not new. I have done it since a child. I had really worked on my communication skills the past 15 years and thought I had things under control. NOPE! I mention these emotions and the idea of holding them within and not releasing because I know it has contributed to where I am at spiritually too. I was feeling stagnant and life was mundane believe it or not! I was quickly moving through my days. I had started to meditate about a year ago and started seeking out change then fell off the bandwagon when my sister was also diagnosed with breast cancer. I probably should have really continued it at that point in time but was not disciplined enough.

As I re-embark on my mediation and self-help journey I am finding that these emotions are a good thing and we can use them as markers on where we are in our spiritual journey. I am learning.  When I say spiritual, I am not a participant in organized religion and I do not declare any religion. I view my spirit as my love and connection to the world and use this to help guide my way. That is what God is to me. I always felt shy about discussing spirit, but now I feel a very strong pull to keep it the absolute leading force in my life. If that is to happen, I must pay attention to it and discuss it sometimes.  I am now understanding more about how ego pops up EVERY DAMN DAY and tries to sabotage us! SO I invited my ego to meditate WITH me instead of just telling it to shut off for the time being. If I am gonna experience it, I thought my ego should too! :) This part of my journey has pretty much taken over and I will update you on how I am doing at a later date. Just know I am in the works and probably will be for a while in regards to this topic.

So this leads me to a couple things that have been manifesting and festering within me that i discovered that night in the bathroom. :)  The anger that I have inside of me that has been sparked from this journey. I am not mad at cancer or mad at God. Quite the opposite really.  BUT, I am angry about what exists and does not exist in the world as far as information for people AND particular protocols from the world of conventional medicine in regards to caring for human beings. I also feel sick in the stomach and IRATE with the  politics and business of MONEY that resides around pharmaceuticals and insurance and doctors and hospitals.  What do I mean? I could look at the world of medicine and feel negative because they did not give ME the option that I was looking for. I could. However, I know they are practicing what they have been schooled in, medicine is very methodical?

 I guess I should not expect a doctor to think outside the box of what they have been taught. Just like I should not expect everyone to follow my lead on natural healing.  Just like I should not expect that a person with a disease should not be expected to think about alternative solutions to heal themselves as prescribed by their doctors? As I embarked on my own healing breast cancer journey naturally, I was definitely going against the grain. I met with 3 doctors. They all told me to get surgery. Pretty hard to stomach and then walk out feeling confident about your decision. To be completely honest, it is YOU all reading this and asking me questions and cheering me on and lending your support and love that has really kept me going. So thank you. I know this was by choice. I knew it would be hard. But I have to get through it day by day and feel it too. I am really focusing on the positives. So as angry as I might feel, It is also put me in a "state of emergency" to help others.  It is an emergency and it is urgent.  People need information so they can make informed decisions. They need to be told the truth. They need to be told the consequences. This is so much bigger than you or I could ever dream. It will take a mass number of people to make change. Yes we can do it a little bit at a time. But collectively, for example, what would our state of health and the idea of health insurance look like if we could choose a company based on what type of medicine we decide is best for us?  There is no insurance that covers the western or traditional medicines, only conventional. What would the world look and feel like if we ALL demanded our products be toxin free? I will tell you, we would ALL be in a healthier state. GUARANTEED. Wonder if I put out a Documentary and Book that informed people on a 3rd option that involved no surgery or drugs? AND it works??  Just stirring the pot. Get your braincells churning.  :)

Lastly, I must get something off my chest, no pun intended.:) As you know my sister was also diagnosed with Breast Cancer this year.  Sigh. We all just rallied together and "got it done". Meaning, my sister took the bull by the horns and tackled her own breast cancer with a Double Mastectomy and reconstruction. Family and Friends helped out with the kids, meals, love, support, car rides, etc. That 's just what you do. When we found out I also had breast cancer this year and decided to take the "a la naturál" route, I couldn't help to wonder what she was thinking and HOW it made her feel.  I suppose I should have just asked. I told you, I am in the works and learning. :)  My sister and I lead 2 very different lives and have different circumstances.  I support and believe in her decision no matter what. I think this has been a heavy weight on my heart, BUT it has pushed me to really investigate what I am doing.

Remember I told you i was in my bathroom one night because I needed to figure out why I was feeling so bad? This was it.  This was the heavy load I chose to carry for no reason. Remember i am learning. BUT in that learning process, great things are developing. I have been shocked at the core and my spirit was so riled up from all those past years that it has put me in fighter mode. I consider myself about 1/3 through my journey. I am giving myself a year to get my self and my spirit in alignment with my true destiny. It's a tall order and I am also getting 2 sides of love and happiness with that order! Til' next time.. Namaste and thx for caring! - Tami xo