A self Journey through dealing with Cancer and how it can Impact your LIFE positively.
Today I walked the lakefront and beaches of the Chi. It’s cold, mild, yet mother nature seems to always kick into high gear when you go on a stroll. I had no intention of exercising , just wanted to get out, listen to music in my headphones, look at nature and be. It was good. I found myself going from no thought and just absorbing the lakefront to totaling in my mind and thinking about feel good thoughts. Analyzing as us Virgos typically do. I replayed scenarios of love, listened to Teddy Pendergrass and Beyonce and felt my future. I absorbed all the waves and trees and sand and paths and other people strolling as I did. I re-imagined what it felt like to bike the same path in the summertime. It felt good.
The water always amazes me. No matter where I am. It feels soothing yet speaks to me and my emotions and relates to how I am feeling on the inside. I walked out on the concrete pier and watched the big dark waves ripple back one after another. They felt kinda wild and anxious. I could relate. When I watched intently, they looked and acted kinda like I felt on the inside. I have an ongoing joke with Lake Michigan and it is that when the waves get big, they are MAD. Something is going on that is not being resolved and they lash out at LSD. I understand and just let them be.
My stroll turned into 2 hours. It felt good to just walk in Chicago and get out of the house. It’s funny how being inside vs. being outside can change your feeling in an instant. I love it! I found myself feeling extra thankful and everything seemed to blend together and nothing really had a name. My phone was irrelevant except the playing of music and typing down the random words and lyrics coming to my head as I walked. It was really great. The cool thing is I had on a mask, scarf, hat and winter coat and felt no cold or breeze. I was kinda digging the mask and it’s warmth. I thought about my family, my new love, my band mates, my gym friends, my acquaintances and realized how full my life has been. I had endless chats about what was and what is and what could be and felt thankful that I had everything I had asked for right here right now and felt satiated and full of life. I felt clarity as I thought of my new love and how I am still learning about life and relationships and how to really see and appreciate and be in the moment and just let be. It felt good.
I am not sure what this blog means other than be in the moment and water really floats my boat? :) I am human and had an “off” weekend but as soon as I realize that I can connect with myself and plug myself back in everything seems to resolve and absolve. It’s like magic. I just can’t believe it. I realize that when I feel not so good it’s usually me. I realize that I have the control to really set my brain free. I feel guilty that I acted ridiculously, but then realize I am human and hope that people can see that in me. I get scared people will run from me but then quickly turn to the universe and realize that what’s meant to be will be. I have to continue to let go time after time cuz my human reactions seem to take over and emotions flow. It’s kinda like riding waves and you don’t know what will happen cuz you can’t control mother nature. It’s like wading in the waters and looking out and realizing that the water is endless. When you connect with that endless, you realize that you are a spec and spark here on earth. If you just go with the flow, everything will seem and be alright. So when you look out at the daylight, sunset, or sunrise, and see where it meets the earth, it’s eternity you are looking at, I think. It’s never done and never ending and it’s beautiful and mysterious and feels easy and pure. I think this is where water meets us and we feel eternity. The place where we all remain and are but often have trouble feeling it so we go into our humanistic ways and continue each day. I hope I can meet you all at the edge of the water, cuz it feels really great, and we can really enjoy each other every day.
Can I get a witness? :)
As always, thanks for reading and listening.