A self Journey through dealing with Cancer and how it can Impact your LIFE positively.
We can listen. We can learn. We can love. We can hate. We can dream. We can expand. We can judge. We can be passionate. We can uplift. We can manipulate. We can live in fear. We can create happiness. We can be humble. We can be egotistical. We can be shy. We can be extroverts. We can be loud. We can be soft. We can be human. We can be spirit. We can be emotional. We can be racist. We can be loyal. We can be disciplined. We can be righteous. We can feel weak. We can feel strong. We can be creative. We can go with the flow. We can be controlling. We can communicate. We can be good leaders. We can be teachers. We can be preachers. We can be victims. We can forgive. We can be bound. We can be free.
These are choices we can make each day for ourselves.
The day my mother passed she taught me all of these. I will preface this blog by saying that 10months of living with someone who is dying and holding their hand until the bitter end gives you a glimpse into another world and how we really can choose how to live and how to exist in this world. The process goes from loud and noisy and turbulent to pure silence and peace. The process shows us the gift of life and the gift of spirit and the gift of freedom. You can also choose to focus on the disparity of the situation or the beauty in the situation. Again, we have the choice and that is pure bliss.
I suppose the question is do you want to be happy and live happy?
If the answer is yes well then the great news is you have total control over whether or not that becomes your reality. You can live as a grumpy grumpnoid or seek to create a day of sunshine no matter what is going on with you or others or in the world. We often look externally for happiness instead of taking responsibility and looking within ourselves. Did you know the happier you become with your SELF the less people and situations will bother you? Did you know that as soon as you stop caring what others MIGHT THINK of you then you are truly free? Did you know that when you stop, listen, and observe, and take in the world the more connected and in awe you might feel of what is around you? Too many times we say appreciate and be grateful but are those just words and thoughts until you really take time out to be quiet and just be?
I wonder if all the spirits who are not human any more are just chuckling at our existence?
I am hopeful to ask my mom as soon as I can get hold of the long island medium one day and talk to her…. Just kidding… or maybe not? :) My mom was smart. My mom was pretty. My mom was unconditional yet conditional. She lived by rules and regulations but I think she strived to live more with a free spirit. I think like everyone else she yearned to be the most self-confident in everything and the idea of being not confident felt like being out of control. I think she felt responsible and very well liked and courageous. She made a difference. She made a legacy. She made us all be better. She fought and we fought. We all became better advocates through health and sickness. I laid by her side and told her I loved her until I heard her heart slow down and eventually the last heartbeat. She lay still while I grappled on tightly. I think she floated out of the room in silence.
I walked out of her room and looked out the window. It was numbingly silent and peaceful at the same time. The world seemed still except for the movement of a carousel. I remember this vivid thought … “and life still goes on… what will you do with yours”. It was eery yet profound at the same time. It was sad but glad at the same time. It was love but sadness at the same time. It was death but life at the same time. They say we are in a time of awakening so I guess this was part of mine. 8 weeks later my 2nd mom passed away and I begged to keep her in the condolence/viewing room so I could say my goodbyes. Her last heartbeat was mistakenly misconstrued because of a pacemaker. She was thought to be alive but really dead? She looked fine. She looked ok. We just saw her 2 days ago. Now she was on a stretcher being rolled away. I actually think she was having a hard time letting her “heart parts” go. She chose to be brave and just suck it up until the end. That is what she did. She gave and listened and gave and listened and gave an listened and gave and listened until she could no longer. She was my 2nd mom. I guess there was still more life learning and awakening that needed to happen, that still needs to happen. It’s not about the actual passing, that is about realization. Death of a mom or moms is another story. It’s about the before and after. The heartbeat, the last heartbeat, and the movement of the carousel which is life as a human. It's about the humanistic side and what to do , what to be, wth. My 2 best friends and confidants were now gone.
Tell me what that carousel looks like and feels like and whether or not it will break down or keep going. Point being again we have choice. We can stay in an emotional state by recreating it over and over or we can move beyond moments in time. We can be nice and just let things be and know everything is okay or we can be jerks and controlling and unhappy people. We can gripe and moan about the people , places, and things around us or we can keep it positive and keep moving forward. This is a call to action to live your best life and be healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. Yes death will come to us all and it is solely our choice as to how we live and how we choose to be. We have control and if there is any controlling going on I think the best version is taking control of your SELF by creating a great life and choosing happiness and love. The opposite just won’t do and won’t help create a good life for anyone. We are all in this together so why not act like it and be kind to one another. So let’s all ride the carousel with great joy until our last heartbeat.
As always, thanks for reading and listening.