A self Journey through dealing with Cancer and how it can Impact your LIFE positively.
I now realize that my contemplations in life, my “not taking sides” , my non-reactions, my lack of verbal or physical expression, my silences, my expressions of "seeing all sides”, are reflections of how I have lived my life independent of the perceptions and beliefs of most people and these are ways in which I was able to hold on to some sense of who I am throughout the years. These ways of mine were also used as a protective barrier from all that is out there that seems to coerse us in certain directions or ways and deviate us from where we really want to be.
Instead of beating myself up or stressing myself out on “what was”, “what I said”, “what I did”, “what I was”, “what they did”, “what they said”, “how I was treated”, etc, I focus on what I am and what I have been all along. What “I am” is now being released in a more prevalent manner and is easier for some to see and feel and receive, i think. :) Our minds and our ego's are like friends that we need to manage. I have heard that the human race is prone to think negative. If this is true, we got some big time management to do so our brains can think more positive. Collectively, if we all think about the messages we are sending when we act, react, put things in motion, or put things out there in the universe, then maybe together we can all start to help everyone feel and act their best. Just an idea. Food for thought. We stress ourselves out because of our thoughts and then react to our own realities. Everyone has a different reality. This is sure to be extra confusing to people and this mixed with lack of communication is a recipe for disaster. BUT! The good news is we can use this contrast! Contrast happens so we can be pushed towards where we really want to be. So we can choose to keep the negative ball rolling or stop and reverse it to the positive side and start rolling the other way. Then poof! Stress be gone!
I have also learned we all bring stress to ourselves. It's really true. I didn't think it was at first. I thought things, people, and situations were stressing me out. Then I realized once I started transforming my own personal self a lot of this "stress" evaporated. We process and internalize in our own ways and often that leads to getting sucked into what we think other people think about us. We start to define ourselves based on all the chit chatter we pick up from the years from everything. If we are not yet strong in our "self" we develop unhealthy ways to cope. I think I have always had a strong urge to “be heard” and an instinct to “prove myself” and now I think i used them in really unhealthy ways “to be”. They were reactions to all the beliefs and perceptions I had about myself that had stacked up over the years. I know that not feeling love and not loving myself was the root cause of this human “disease”. I have my own theories and thoughts about “how I got this way” and it really encapsulates the time before we were born, mom and dad's own thoughts-perceptions-beliefs, what was passed on since conception, the years of other peoples thoughts-perceptions-beliefs and our environments marinated in our brains. All “the life happenings” we experience, and all the physical and environmental things we encounter along the way in this thing called life that is different for every human being. They all get marinated in our bodies and brains and then we have to gradually choose some bits and pieces based on what is really best for us and what feels good for us and move forward. Sometimes it just takes 1 person to break the cycles and start spreading the love. I think the moment we gain full strength and peace and confidence and worth within ourselves, the world around us changes and adapts.
We are all different but all the same in one breath. We are all connected but all have our own journeys. We all shine, can shine, and I believe shine best together. When we are sad, hurt, depressed, confused, angry, jealous, feeling unbalanced or unsure, and start to act in ways that don’t feel good I take time to think of all these thoughts and just want it all to make more sense in my head.I want to be in tune enough to say something that can make everyone feel good and come to their deep connection with soul and just be love. I realize I can’t change things and can't control things and all I can do is be the love that I can be at each moment in time. That allows me to shine and also gives others the capacity to shine as well.
This is what I know and believe to date. This is what I have learned. I don't know if it is the best way but it seems to be working. At times I get distracted and feel pulled in directions but am able to maintain these ideas in my self. I love my friends, my family, the human race, the animals, and all the souls, and just want this life to feel good for everyone. My hope is we all move towards these notions in this lifetime. This is what cancer has taught me to date.
Peace and love.
As always, thanks for reading and listening.