A self Journey through dealing with Cancer and how it can Impact your LIFE positively.
ahhhhh this statement has sooooo many meanings for me that are truly relevant....
There is 1 thing that has remained the same within me probably since birth and I also heard it through the grapevine before...that....... i was a genuine person. Well, if I were to brag, I suppose this would be a quality that I would be proud to say out loud. I could interpret this on many different levels but I choose to think that it means that I exuded an aura that seemed truthful and honest. I am not saying I never told a lie or felt as though I were being dishonest, I am saying it meant I was being only what I knew how to be and that was real to the world. I think I probably have my parents to thank for this one. These past couple years have really tested the validity in these statements and I have dealt with taking a step back and considered the thought that perhaps this statement was not as true as I thought in regards to me and my life. I pouted about it for a while. I pondered on it for a while. I analyzed the sh++ out of it for a while. I doubted it for a while. I tried to fix me and go back to it for a while... until I figured out it was a combination of my body and my mind and my soul that were working cohesively together to formulate this #trueself. I finally understood me and how to work with all my pieces and put the puzzle together so it made sense and made me feel more complete. I had taken a bunch of diversions and just like MAPS re-routing and SIRI telling me to go this way go that way, I had to finally really listen to myself and look at the overview and take action instead of being told what to do and listening to all the peripheral. Perhaps everything was OK and I didn't have to FIX myself and all of THIS was just part of my process in living life. Sigh.... i feel kinda better.
As the days and nights passed these past few years I really fell into losses and gains of self-esteem, sense of self, and self worth. You could say that my SWAG was down, but that even got me thinking. SWAG is good? BUT it also represents for me the hip hop version of.... the struggle of... " insert whatever ur own personal struggles are". I have to struggle and feel like sh++to win? wtf? I started to really doubt this whole hip hop struggle definition thing. Life had taken a HUGE turn for me on many levels and things were seemingly crumbling. So many hits and punches and gouges and kicks and swipes and daggers and tackles that I was weary and bruised on all levels. YES as I have said many times before, brought on by myself because I am in charge of me and I make my own choices. No one to blame but me. #keepinit100 came down to who i surrounded myself with each day. ME! SH++!! Lies told to ourselves are probably the worst lies in my opinion. They hold you back from life and being you. You cannot walk away from yourself. I am not saying I lied to myself all the time but YES there were times I did not want to see or exist or be in the truth of the matter. You could say I schooled my own self at REALLY being #100. Stepping out from all the darkness into all the lightness had extreme effects on my validity and clarity and vision of myself, life, people, places, and things. I started to learn how NOT to be the victim, how NOT to blame others, how NOT to feel guilty for my likes and dislikes and feelings, and HOW to reach and turn towards POSITIVE emotions and feelings. I have now GAINED SO MUCH from this apparent step back. I am no longer struggling. Just keepin' it 100.
I had always prided myself on #keepinit100 meaning GIVING it ALL you GOT no matter the scenario. I am competitive by nature so If I was challenged, I rose. If I was asked a question , I answered as honestly as I knew how. I wear my heart on my sleeve and didn't know HOW to be untruthful with my voice and actions. WELL, I had a lot of categories to work on in #keepinit100. This means I was having a hard time connecting with myself and believing in myself and living truth. Learning how to follow what feels good from the inside and cut off the negative momentum was tricky for me. I had to just bust down the wall like the hulk or kool-aid man and go for it in certain circumstances. It took many scenarios to get it right but I continued to practice over and over. I took a gymnastics class this past year a few times and boy was I #hulk with it! Proof in the pudding that yes you can throw down at any age. I might not have bounced back as quick as a 20yr old but my amateur skill level still remained in some capacity. That is the 100 in the pudding. Not looking for the best out there but the BEST in YOU. Gymnastics was just an example for me to push forward no matter what.
Lastly, the most enlightening thing I think about my #100 discoveries these past couple years is that it is really nice to get high on life. Sounds cheesy, but it is a TON more fun and feel good and happy and blissful and fulfilling than any drug or alcohol or sex or shopping or addiction out there! PLUS you wake up with no hangover, you still got money, you feel awesome about yourself and you are all in tact ready for the day! You don't feel crazy or have doubts or wonder if you said or did something stupid and you don't feel depressed or sad or feeling the lack of... ?. #100proof insulates that feeling of happiness and joy of life. The joy of being with people and connecting with people. The joy of feeling peace and confidence to get through the next day. The courage to push forward and let in those good feeling dreams and wishes. The everlasting process of getting in alignment only to get out of alignment so you can get in alignment again and keep enjoying the process.... ahh life is so easy but complex... ya feel me? ...#keepit100
As always, thanks for reading and listening.