help? - week #20


​did you  know you can now purchase #watchmefly items online in support of my breast cancer journey?    

Where do i start? Hmmmm.....

Asking for help definitely feels weird to me. And receiving help even feels pretty darn weird too. I still have many mixed emotions on the idea of help. I guess in a way we are all "helping" in some capacity. Just our day to day stuff encapsulates a lot of help. ( family, friends, work) Why do we do this? Because it is part of our connection of existence and it is how we learn to thrive? Or in some instances, not thrive? Sometimes we over-help... become a martyr or do things that are unhealthy for ourselves in the name of help. I know I have.

I would like to re-define Help. Perhaps only use this term for small tasks like: i will help my dad and mow the lawn, i will help my child with homework today, i will help train my co-worker at his new job, i will help my mom cook turkey dinner on thanksgiving, etc, etc. You get the idea. A small helping hand just because.

I have struggled with help and helping for years. I have done a lot of helping and a lot of not helping.  I have worn my soul to the ground by over-helping and I have deprived my soul the experience of life by not helping at all. My thoughts on help started to shift about a 3 years ago and the shift is still taking place. I will tell you what happened...

Every now and then I get an itch for another tattoo.  I wanted #5. All of my tattoos have some type of symbolic meaning in regards to how I live my life and what grows deep in the heart and my vision of the world.  Each tattoo has come with deep thought and months of looking at my life, myself, and how I am currently living and breathing and feeling in general.  I came across a point that I needed to deal with internally. That point was Really doing things ... with Love. Acting out of love, speaking with love, and thinking with love. I was tired of having negative thoughts or emotions, felt like they were just weighing me down. So I embarked on a task  to " get right" with everything and everybody in my life.  Along came tattoo #5....

I am always trying to re-train my brain so this seemed like a really good idea. This way I would see and remember it daily! I still LOVE this tattoo. I think #6 will also involve words. Words are powerful and visualization is powerful. Together, you know, even more powerful!  Who knew tattoo's could be so powerful! :) I remember I got this in early May right before Mothers Day. I wore a long sleeve shirt for Mother's Day so my mom wouldn't see it and I kept adjusting my arm so my sleeve stayed covering my new tattoo. I knew she wouldn't like it but now that she knows there is meaning behind it, maybe it's not so bad? :)

The 2nd thing that happened was this scenario... I was always looking to do everything with a purpose.  Especially music or business or anything money related. I am a self-proclaimed dabbler in producing my own  original music projects, I always think large and get really overwhelmed. I reach out to others with the intention of producing this musical/artistic idea and it will get somewhat accomplished. I WAS thinking about my endeavors according to the world of business and money and NOT from the heart or just doing it cuz it felt good on, ya know. One night I was out with my boyfriend at a friends going away party. I was in one of those thinker moods. One of our musician friends said, "whatever happened to the days of just doing music just because". I took this to heart as if he was specifically speaking about me ( so vein of me) and was devastated that I thought I had been doing this all along and that was part of my downfall.  I was asking musicians/artists to participate in something that was not genuinely 100% from the heart or with Love.......

The 3rd thing that happened... I started to meditate. I started learning about the power of silence and quietness of the brain. The power of thought and where our thoughts can go and why. We create our whole life with THOUGHT. Isn't that so? Think about it, what we think is what rules our world.  Imagine what would happen if you simply changed your thoughts. It could be as easy as thinking positively and catching yourself when you have a negative thought or emotion and letting it dissolve only to put the new spin on your thought that provokes that best outcome for you! Our most powerful tool, the brain. Thoughts can go wild and you can drive yourself insane and unhappy OR you can get quiet, connect with you and life, and be happy. Gee, which one should i pick? :) I now meditate every morning. Just like exercise, just like healthy food, meditation requires a daily dose too. Today's world has attacked our brains with so much and we all live in brain-chaos. It's absolute craziness.  Meditation has helped me personally create an internal peace that I have not felt since childhood.

The 4th thing that happened... the reason you are all reading this blog... getting diagnosed with breast cancer, choosing to heal naturally, and choosing to share this journey in hopes to help others.  Along with the other 100 things that this journey is teaching me and letting me experience, my perception and level of understanding the acts of Giving and Receiving have evolved deeply. They are on my TOP 5 list of what I have gained through this whole experience to date. I now look at life as my life's work. I am here simply to give myself. The experiences and journeys of life are what LIVING life is really about.  As overwhelming as Cancer is and must seem, I have gained a whole new world, a new perspective, and a new approach. Finally, something that money cannot buy. I think I kinda feel like a tree-hugger right now. :) ( no offense if you like to hug trees, i do)

What does all this have to do with HELP? It's the beautiful evolution of Love, Peace, Giving and Receiving. When fully realized, it is perfection. There is no need for help or feeling like you should help, can't or can help or didn't help.  If you automatically live with love, peace, giving and receiving in your life you will NEVER have to act like a martyr ever again. Help can simply go back to the simple task of just helping out, just because. You pulled over to help that woman with her flat tire, you shoveled your neighbors sidewalk after the snowstorm, you bought dinner for the guy you see every day shaking the change cup, and so on....

I am writing this specific blog because I have been wondering where my journey is taking me. I have realized that this website I started is the birth of what grows inside of my heart and soul. It is a culmination of me and what I have to give. It just so happens to be packaged with words and a logo and some inspirational printed gear right now. It's bigger than me and bigger than what I will ever be able to understand or explain. Just like me, it will take shape over time. I am happy to know that I am getting better at living life and at a higher level of consciousness which will in turn create the actions, products, creations, and atmosphere that I call aFlyGirl. It's a beautiful circle of Giving and Receiving. It is my peace and I do it with Love.

Tami
​xo