gotta dig deep

More heavy stuff alert....

#watchmefly was purposefully named so I had a catch phrase to motivate myself to keep moving forward through this journey.  As you know I like mottos and this one was specifically made for me. As I move week to week and fall into some lulls and travel over the bumps and cracks and crevices and potholes and ditches and mountains and rivers and forests and woods and... you get the picture. I know I am not red riding hood but dang i sure feel like it right now. So as I travel this journey and embark on the emotional side, the really important side for me, I find motivation in people who tell me to "keep going" and "you got this" and "you're an inspiration". To be honest, right now that is the only reason I write. I really feel like I don't have a lot to say, but I am assuming if people are saying this, that means someone is listening and my words may help someone else. I have a lot on my mind on how I want to use my experiences BUT i have to get out of this emotional water well 1st.  I figured I would elaborate a bit on what I mean by emotional part and the self-help stuff that I have talked about in previous blogs. As i figure my own self out, it has really helped me understand some missing pieces and how to explain them to people.  The part I am most excited about is when I will get the chance to really be one-on-one with a new client who is struggling with their fitness and/or health. I will now have some magical answers on that 3rd part of health & fitness that many people miss.  I have seen many people achieve fitness levels and weight loss and perfect health. I have also seen the mundane and depressed and defeated look of people who struggle to battle their emotional issues. It holds them back and it holds them prisoner from being and doing what they want. I am your prototype. I have been through it. I have started to heal. I have seen the results. I have turned tragedy into triumph. I have turned sour relationships into thriving ones. I have battled my own demons to get to that happy place. I am happy to say IT IS POSSIBLE. I am also here to say for me, IT IS VERY HARD TO DO. It takes 100% commitment and the decision to move in that direction. It takes Bravery and it takes people who surround you the willingness to hear you out and work with you.

I think I picked up on self-help books from my mother. I remember her reading many books by her bedside when I was growing up. I also remember my parents going to marriage encounter before they were divorced. I remember them sending me to a therapist as well. Ironically, guess what, guess what we talked about? EMOTIONS! I don't remember how many times we met, but now that I think about it, I wonder if that money was well spent? :) I am definitely pro- therapist and having a person to " talk it out" with. I think it is an important part of health. BUT in true Tami style I did this recent revolution by myself. I read, I watched, I investigated, I researched, I went to trainings, I did online courses, I wrote things out, I meditated, AND I am STILL doing all this. I am by  no means done. I think it will be important to keep doing the do, just like i need to keep doing the food, fitness, non-toxic products, etc. This is a lifestyle and a lifetime commitment.  I think over time I will ease up and be able to let go of the reigns a bit, but for now, they are tight.

SELF-HELP 101

I started when I was in my late 20's. I had my first transformation and it was a doozy.  I lost my college weight,  got more active, and bought every book and audiobook by Iyanla Vanzant.  I was in a super crappy and confusing relationship. For 1 full year I woke up in tears and chugged through the day. I remember this chunk of time in my life was me figuring out what to do with my life and how to build back a positive self-esteem. I was unhappy with every aspect of life. I was fortunate to have  a job that eventually fizzled down to 3/4 time, then p/time, then 1/4 time. It afforded me the opportunity and confidence to really start paving my way through life. I would have to give a special thanks to A-Z Entertainment and the 2 Howard's who were at the helm of my 1st metamorphosis. Thank you. I was able to start pursing teaching, fitness, and music which eventually morphed into my new full-time job. I thought I had my sh++ together. Nope. Little did I know at the time, as soon as you think everything is good, you get another lesson and life takes over again.  This has remained true and a constant ever since.

My 2nd transformation was in my 30's. It involved getting my finances together. It blew chunks and I hated EVERY minute of it and at the time I am sure I cursed my mother under my breath over and over. Yes my mother was at the helm of this one.  Also, my aunt was her sidekick, so aunt Jan probably got some foul language from me as well. I was in a deep financial well that had spawned from College. Holy crap. Who would have known that when credit cards came out and they started sending them to all people like water that it would create a world of gloom and doom for many.  Not to mention college loans that take FOREVER to pay off. Interest rate city and the never-ending balances that would not go away. Hard lessons learned on how to juggle your money, plan accordingly, cut back on spending, start a savings, pay off debt strategically, and how to start increasing your own income.  I dug into my 2nd BIG batch of self-help with Suzie Orman.  She was my screensaver. Yes people made fun of me. I didn't care, I said I was on a mission and guess what, it worked!!

My 3rd BIGGIE BIGGIE BIGGIE can't you see transformation, well right now! Cancer happened. It woke my a++ up in ways I never thought.  To date it is the biggest and most helpful transformation. This one, I am personally at the helm, and that has been really important.  I thought I was a pretty confident and balanced person. I just personally kicked my own a++ with self-help and right now I am in the growth stage, the rest stage, just like after you have an intense fitness workout.  You peeps are my protein, thx! You are super tasty and I love you! I think I needed the experience of putting in the time and work and trusting in myself to get it done and be and feel successful. I guess this all happened for a reason. I look back over the last year and see so much change in myself. Parts are visible and parts you may feel, and some parts not so obvious. But I know all i have done, seen and become and that is the important part right now. You know things have changed when you see and witness people and situations that were your "old ways" and you wanna stop them and warn them. But everyone has their own path. Mine was only for me. I trust that everyone is doing as best they can at every moment in time. My last famous motto... it is what it is. I cannot force me, my and mine on others. It has to be organic. Yes my food has to be organic as well. :)

IN SUMMARY

I remember when I started this journey thinking this is gonna be challenging. I was right. When I started educating myself on all the gazillion things I could be doing to be healthier, I thought holy crap I am gonna have to Dig really Deep on this one. I am gonna have to be an advocate for myself. I am gonna have to put on my blinders and ear plugs at times to get through the days. I am gonna have to let go of every single thing I breathed, ate, consumed, used, wore, believed, spoke, heard, and saw in order to start fresh and create a new life and a new me.  I know there are people who don't understand or don't believe. I understand. But what would you do if you had cancer? I went from a decision to whack off my boobs to a decision to NOT do the norm. I choose to use and believe some things that some call quackery and claim there is no evidence or statistics or solid doctor proof. Right now, in the words of Charlie Sheen..... " I AM WINNING". I really feel this way. I have gained so much life from my research and experiences and changes. I believe I could very well keep living organically and never have surgery or radiation or tamoxifen or chemotherapy and live a full and happy life. My cancer could stay put and never spread because of my lifestyle changes. My MISSION... to spread the word on the POSSIBILITY.

Thx for listening.  Tami xo