Death and Chances….

Today is a new day. The sun always rises. The sky is always just there. You can feel what the weather is each day. It always just is and it’s truth. These are such big and profound yet simple partners we are all lucky to witness and live with throughout our time on earth.  No matter the weather, we can exist and create our own realities each and every day. No matter the weather, this human nature stuff always seems to be there through thick and thin. The water, mountains, trees, flowers, animals, and people keep coming and going and growing and expanding and changing and are just being. When I think about life this way all the  other stuff seems pretty irrelevant and unimportant.

Yesterday was the past and is no longer reality. The process of letting go is often what we can do as humans to keep moving forward in a happy and healthy manner so we can enjoy life. Sometimes I wish I was like a tree or the sun cuz then I don’t have to get caught up in all this human emotion. It’s been a process to really build a solid core of a human being to be able to really say I can enjoy life, I can cope with life, I can enjoy all that is around me. Perhaps some will never get there until they pass. Not sure. I believe in the law of attraction and the laws of the universe and my pending questions are… When you pass is it like you are free in every way? Do you get a snapshot of your life and all the puzzle pieces just make sense instantaneously? This seems amazing. I hope this is what happens.

Tomorrow is still a dream. It’s too far ahead to worry and get anxious about. Step by step. Day by day. Everything is ok. Everything is always working out for us. That’s what I keep telling myself. 4 years ago when I declared “watchmefly” as a motto to coach myself through healing naturally from cancer I had no idea I would be here. These slivers of my tomorrow have been very profound. I knew the theme of really embarking on a “letting go” process would be intrinsic anatomically, emotionally, spiritually, and mindfully. I remember not being sure and am still willing to try or do anything just for the experience to help myself and/or others. I did not realize or want to accept that “letting” go also meant people, places, things, and relationships. I slowly learned all the attachments we have as humans and that we really are divine just the way we are. Now if we could all just really believe this, THAT would be wonderful and I am sure there would be less chaos and drama in the world and within ourselves.

My today, yesterday, and tomorrow is filled with death. The thought of death to me has always been a thing that happens. Yes it is sad. But not scary and running from death type of feeling. I enter the 2nd half of my life experiencing the death of my 2 mothers over the past few months. I have lots of words that need to be organized and let go so I can keep moving forward. Strangely, at the same time my today, yesterday, and tomorrow are also filled with beauty. I have and continue to be given many chances to enhance my self and my life. It’s really true that all you have to do is chill out and get in alignment and let all things come to you. I am trying to stay in alignment so I attract what I desire in this lifetime. I have been presented vivid examples within myself, my family, my friends, and people in general of how we live and how we can make it great. I have received great gifts that will forever change my life and my self so I can continue to reach bliss hopefully in this lifetime. So as I wipe my tears every day I am so in awe and appreciative for all that is, what once was, and what will be.

As I mourn and go through grief I try to keep standing tall so I can still share and give my experience to others in hopes that we all can continue to live and learn. I am still here. We are still here. Life has not wiped me on the ground and I don’t struggle, I thrive through the pain. Death is a prime example of what life is… the contrast of light and dark, that is life. We need that in order to get to where we want to be. To get what we desire. In fact there is daily dark and light so we have chance after chance to keep at it, to get it, to keep going, to look at things differently, to love more, to give more, to receive more, to experience more, to chill more, to create more, to laugh more, to smile more, to cherish more.

Today I kinda feel like a snake that sheds skin. Slowly but surely I have been shedding layer by layer of old stuff that once was. The process is transformative and expansive and loving and connected all at the same time. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have and continue to be in very unfamiliar territory and it is eye opening. I just keep reminding myself to breathe. This tomorrow stuff feels a little wobbly but we all continue and do the best we can. I write this blog again in honor of my 2nd mom, Pat, who gave me the biggest gifts by being her self and displaying freedom, fun and creativity, and lead a non-discriminating life on every level. She was the perfect 2nd mom. My moms complemented each other perfectly and gave me the best experience as a daughter.  I had different relationships with my moms and they both were very deeply connected. Their deaths have given me the most profound look at my self and life. Thanks moms!

​xo Tami