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12/22/2020

More than a feeling….

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Yes Steve Miller is on my road trip music playlist. I love it! Along with Eagles, Beyonce, Nina Simone, Guns-n-Roses, Louis Armstrong, Tom Petty, Jill Scott, the Roots, Common, Lauren Hill, Def Leppard, Teddy Pendergrass, Ed Sheeran, Cyndi Lauper, Wu Tang, Wyclef, Roots, Otis Redding, Bee Gees, Van Morrison, Marvin Gaye, Erykah Badu, and the list continues to grow. These songs continue to journey along with me road after road, highway after highway, city after city, state after state. We are now the bestest of friends. Music has always been a staple in my life and has been the outlet to be and feel the most free and connected with myself and the universal flow of things. Music moves my body in certain ways and also leads my mind into pure feelings of living in the moment. I love it. Why am I talking about music? I dunno I guess cuz I listen to it every single day and it has been a life saver and best friend to me in this lifetime. It is soothing at times and stimulating at times and joyful all of the time. Music has bridged the gap many times when I am not sure, happy, sad, or not feeling quite my self and has helped connect me with my soul in a way that nothing else can. It spans past getting through feelings and goes to a place that has helped me build and believe in myself. I am so thankful.  


Me and Music have rendezvoused every day in this lifetime. I have had the most joyous times with music on-stage and traveling and socializing with friends. You could say music has been a solid building block in my life. Point is, I think everyone has something that helps connect them and tune them into who we are being, how we are living, and our purpose. We have emotions and they come and go but they also let us know where we are at like a GPS. These feelings can be steered so hopefully we pick the things that steer us in directions that feel good. Hopefully we pick the music that eases the mind and leads our thoughts into a place of happiness.  Hopefully we pick the music that can ease and comfort us in times of darkness. Hopefully we can pick the music that lifts us up and inspires us to keep going. Hopefully we pick the music that helps us celebrate and create blissful realities. 


The feelings that emerge are then transferred into our thought and our reality. Life can be so joyous and easy if we just let it be. I admit I like to steer the ship, but have been humbled by all that surrounds me and learned that I can be the best if I only steer my own ship. Also, the idea that I have the power to steer my own ship has been  pretty enlightening. I realize there is a lot I do not know and that it’s never gonna get done. I was always a “try harder” “do more” type of person. That wasn't working out so well for me. I am learning to ease into life and enjoy, let go, let be, and open myself up to receive what is next for me time after time. It’s grace in the works. This slow as a turtle process has lead me to the most powerful gift of all, the belief in myself and humanity. I truly see the goodness. Sometimes it has a very creative mask and it is a little tougher to see, but it’s always there. At least that’s what I believe. Some may perceive this as being a  softie but I ride the quiet waves and just observe life and people and places and things. IT all makes complete sense to me. 


I hope to continue sharing my experiences and bask in music together with everyone. We are all deserved and can help lift each other up to places higher than we can even imagine. I look forward to the journey and watching us all fly.


​tami
xo

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12/5/2020

Welcome to the Edge of the Waters...

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Today I walked the lakefront and beaches of the Chi. It’s cold, mild, yet mother nature seems to always kick into high gear when you go on a stroll. I had no intention of exercising , just wanted to get out, listen to music in my headphones, look at nature and be. It was good. I found myself going from no thought and just absorbing the lakefront to totaling in my mind and thinking about feel good thoughts. Analyzing as us Virgos typically do. I replayed scenarios of love, listened to Teddy Pendergrass and Beyonce and felt my future. I absorbed all the waves and trees and sand and paths and other people strolling as I did. I re-imagined what it felt like to bike the same path in the summertime. It felt good.

The water always amazes me. No matter where I am. It feels soothing yet speaks to me and my emotions and relates to how I am feeling on the inside. I walked out on the concrete pier and watched the big dark waves ripple back one after another. They felt kinda wild and anxious. I could relate. When I watched intently, they looked and acted kinda like I felt on the inside. I have an ongoing joke with Lake Michigan and it is that when the waves get big, they are MAD. Something is going on that is not being resolved and they lash out at LSD. I understand and just let them be. 

My stroll turned into 2 hours. It felt good to just walk in Chicago and get out of the house. It’s funny how being inside vs. being outside can change your feeling in an instant. I love it! I found myself feeling extra thankful and everything seemed to blend together and nothing really had a name. My phone was irrelevant except the playing of music and typing down the random words and lyrics coming to my head as I walked. It was really great. The cool thing is I had on a mask, scarf, hat and winter coat and felt no cold or breeze. I was kinda digging the mask and it’s warmth. I thought about my family, my new love, my band mates, my gym friends, my acquaintances and realized how full my life has been. I had endless chats about what was and what is and what could be and felt thankful that I had everything I had asked for right here right now and felt satiated and full of life. I felt clarity as I thought of my new love and how I am still learning about life and relationships and how to really see and appreciate and be in the moment and just let be. It felt good. 

I am not sure what this blog means other than be in the moment and water really floats my boat? :) I am human and had an “off” weekend but as soon as I realize that I can connect with myself and plug myself back in everything seems to resolve and absolve. It’s like magic. I just can’t believe it. I realize that when I feel not so good it’s usually me. I realize that I have the control to really set my brain free. I feel guilty that I acted ridiculously, but then realize I am human and hope that people can see that in me. I get scared people will run from me but then quickly turn to the universe and realize that what’s meant to be will be. I have to continue to let go time after time cuz my human reactions seem to take over and emotions flow. It’s kinda like riding waves and you don’t know what will happen cuz you can’t control mother nature. It’s like wading in the waters and looking out and realizing that the water is endless. When you connect with that endless, you realize that you are  a spec and spark here on earth. If you just go with the flow, everything will seem and be alright. So when you look out at the daylight, sunset, or sunrise, and see where it meets the earth, it’s eternity you are looking at, I think. It’s never done and never ending and it’s beautiful and mysterious and feels easy and pure. I think this is where water meets us and we feel eternity. The place where we all remain and are but often have trouble feeling it so we go into our humanistic ways and continue each day. I hope I can meet you all at the edge of the water, cuz it feels really great, and we can really enjoy each other every day.

Can I get a witness? :)

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12/3/2020

Our own personalized GPS….

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It’s a collision of The Law of Attraction, the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life and The Global Positioning System, GPS, which is a satellite-based radionavigation system owned by the United States government and operated by the United States Space Force according to wikipedia. Hopefully these words below will linger in our minds the next time we sit in our cars and punch in our next location. :)


If we compare these 2 entities, the law of attraction also has destinations, our positive and negative thoughts are part of the navigation. So it’s our choice essentially, we punch in our desire or destination and then go…. Life happens and we have emotions and our mind starts to be busy with negative or positive thoughts.  We are potentially steering ourself and we have control over our self-destination. I’m not gonna lie, I get lost sometimes. There is a learning curve, just like when we get a new electronic and we swipe and type and punch around to figure it out, it’s the same thing. I say re-route when you start feeling not so good. Remember the original destination and why you wanted to be there and how it feels.


I think it takes tools to get down our own personalized navigation systems. We have monkey minds and they just need to be tamed and steered. How? Well, for one I say meditate. From my own personal experience it has helped me tremendously. I am now a savvy Buddha mind that gets derailed once in awhile. However, the whole point is the crashes are VERY small and I know how to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward quickly. The appearance of being lost is often a blessing in disguise. The appearance of being out of control is just a feeling that goes away. The road rage is minimal because I know that I am in control of me and nobody else and that everyone is doing the best they can at every moment in time with what they know. It’s acceptance and letting go that make the journeys and trips easy and joyous and allows me to be in the moment and live life fully. The car I am driving is well taken care of from the inside out. AND, when I have drivers along with me… well I am still working on that one.

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Point is we create our own realties. If we are wizards, then my goal is to be the best wizard in the world. Learning how to be the best me, the best me for we, create and maintain the best mindset, to be open and a peaceful warrior, to be expansive and love at all times, to let go, and the ability to be ok with everything has been an emotional process with many ups and downs. Every single time I am now able to steer back to  the middle ground where everything is ok. Where love is the majority. Where I am connected and feeling happy. Where the world looks bright and sunny. Where love just shows up at the door. We have desires and continue to ask for what we want. That is part of what makes the world tick.

So next time we get into our cars, let our smiles radiate when we punch in our next location. Let’s look forward to what can and will be. Let’s look forward to the journey. Let’s make pitstops and see what’s out there. Let’s be still and quiet for a moment so we can see and hear clearly. Let’s observe and take it all in and keep it moving. Let’s play and laugh and have fun. After all, we are all connected and all part of each other so if we all stay in this zone life can and will be wonderful.
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12/1/2020

Approaching another learning curve….

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Diving into the unknown can be scary. Why would we do it then? To knock out fears, to expand as human beings, to move ourselves forward, to grow and learn, to really live life fully, to feel and experience all we can, to eliminate boundaries and be free. That list sounds pretty good to me so that is the approach I take each time life hands me twists and turns and dips and dives and curves.

We are specs on this earth living as human beings and we have created this insurmountable list of rules and regulations for ourselves to follow, so there is order instead of chaos? There are so many human beings that it is too great to overcome law and order in this lifetime, but it doesn’t have to be this way. However, there will always be universal order and human chaos. Many perspectives, many sides, many ideas, many solutions, many leaders, and many beautiful moments that can fill up our lives. Can we keep moving forward and enjoy what is and put on our happy glasses? Can we just be ourselves and enjoy all that exists? Can we successfully get out of our own ways and let everyone have their own ways and just let it be?  Can we say what we want out loud and just let it come to fruition? Can we let go of “what was” and live right now and enjoy our time? Can we appreciate one another and all the perspectives that exist and remain at ease? Can we build something fresh and new without boundaries?
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Sooo many questions. Yes! The answer is yes to all of them! At least that is my belief and perspective. If we create our own realities then yes the answer can be yes. If we remain followers and stay in bounds and follow rules and regulations all the time then the answer would be no. At least that is my personal experience. I suppose some will disagree. I am ok with that. I suppose some will ask how do we get there? I understand. I suppose some are already living without boundaries. I think we can approach this with how we utilize and manage our minds, our bodies, our senses, our emotions, and how we can have a consistent connection with ourselves. Once this is stable, we create a freedom that smells of flowers, tastes sweet, sounds soothing, feels easy and soft, and looks divine. Every single moment can be THIS for all of us.

According to Rules of the Road, as you approach a curve, move to the side of your lane opposite of the direction of the curve. As you continue through the curve, position your vehicle towards the other side of your lane. I like this analogy. A translation might be… you see life’s ‘curve ahead, you grab the wheel and cruise through it, you remain calm and continue on, you steer yourself to a safe and feel good place, you passed the curve and continue on! I think it takes practice just like we would practice before taking our driver test. But this is more grand cuz it’s a “ life license “ and we get to create our own reality instead of following rules. If there was a rule, I suppose I would say it is  universal law of attraction. Simply put, the Law of Attraction is the belief that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life. This is where our minds can serve us well. Just like our muscles, we can exercise and train our minds. So perhaps a starting point when we ask how do we get started and to this place of freedom we can ask ourselves… what do we feed our minds and how do we train our minds? I will go out on a limb and say there is a lot of fear mongering that exists… if we approach this curve we can stay in control of our minds by being our own leaders instead of following. There are ways to be and stay safe and protected and respect all that is around us. If we start with ourselves, the root cause and effect, I think the world would feel and look very bright and shiny. It’s a start. There is no finish line. It’s a consistent flow. It’s never done. So we might as well accept divine order and just let it be and enjoy.

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10/1/2020

The Rhythm and Dance between Sunrise and Sunset

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   Living life in the lap of luxury and love? Why not? We all deserve the best. We are all doing the best we can. We all have the power of choice and power to create reality for ourselves. Who are we being and what are we doing? Do you show your true colors and look for rainbows? What kind of life would you lead if it was not this one? So many questions in my head and this self-realization process feels like such a roller coaster BUT I wouldn’t want it any other way. We are perfect human beings and our journey is life, not the actual manifestation of our desires. The best part… the sun always rises and sets and so we have a chance to live this life over and over and dive into our creations! So why wouldn’t we always stretch ourselves to reach for what feels the best. How do we get there? Where is there? I tell you what, I have been to many destinations, however, I have MANY more to visit. I like open-minds and open- communication, and the feeling to be free within ourselves. I like to surround myself with the ones who let me be me and in return they also like to be themselves. The connection and joy to move our energy together is pure bliss. It’s like a dance. It’s like music. It’s like art. It can be very abstract or very raw. 


What the hell am I talking about and why so analytical? Well, I ‘m a virgo, that’s what I do. I spent this summer road tripping by myself, it’s very meditational and healing for me. It somehow gives me clarity and opens my mind to new beginnings and new perspective. It’s awesome! New experiences seem to help me shift gears, shift my life, and the drive has been so scenic that I never want to stop. It’s like something else takes over and there is NO going backwards, no reverse, just forward momentum. The law of attraction is full in force and desires are being fulfilled day after day. 


Does every moment FEEL this wonderful. No. Can’t lie. That’s part of life and I look at it as helping to propel me quicker to where I want to be. I still learn and grow and push myself to expand day after day. It’s never ending. It’s not exhausting, it’s thrilling. It’s warm fuzzies. It’s adrenaline. It’s pure love minute after minute. A friend asked me recently if I was running. Hell yeah! Yes running away from bad feelings but also running towards joy and a good life. If we can create ways to live life in a fun way, why would we not? Why would we not try to create the best scenarios day after day and be around the people, places, and things that lift us up towards joy and freedom? IDK bout you, but this is my new version of living and it rocks!


How did I get here? Honesty is the best policy, right? Gloom and doom would be my answer. Gut wrenching times, heavy heart-attack palpitations, cancer, death and misery, tons of tears, rage and anger, lots of letting go and breakups, and the feeling of not even wanting to exist anymore. Heavy, I know. No worries. I’m here, I got through it, I time traveled through it. How did I do it? I told the universe I wanted to heal myself of all things and said I would do whatever it took to get me to the other side. What happened? Well, month after month the universe laid it on super thick! Blow after blow was like a fight with Muhammed Ali, but I won. Did it have to be this way and did I create my own darkness? I’m sure a bit. But life happens, dark shit happens , people can act crazy, and it is NOT fun. I have seen and felt complete darkness. I have seen and felt complete brightness. I choose the light. I choose nowadays to dance and sing at every moment possible. 


How do you deal with darkness and do you need that to see the light? I think so. At least that’s how it happened for me. My darkest time to date is the death of my 2 moms 2019. My mom died 7-24-2019 6pm and it it is the way she died that will forever be etched in my thoughts. My 2nd mom died 10-1-2019. Seeing both my moms dead bodies are forever in my vision. Touching both of their dead bodies remain in my sense of touch. To keep this blog open and honest I will share some details that are hard to say out loud. The 10 months of caring for my mom and trying to ease her painful cancerous death remains in my bones. Holding the hand of her 80lb body, laying by her side and listening to her heartbeat slow down to nothing haunts my ears. Visions  of blood coming out of her mouth haunts my eyes. Seeing her toe tag and being rolled away in a stretcher covered by a sheet breaks my heart over and over. Kissing the corpse of my 2nd moms forehead and thanking her for being the best mom makes me feel like throwing up.  I will never forget and cannot unsee these moments. I can only create a newness that blinds all of my senses. My mom was my kindred spirit and she no longer physically exists so I have to create new ways to connect. My 2nd mom was my confidant and helped me cope with myself  and life. Nowadays they are the sunshine, the moon, the mountains, the water, the flowers, the birds, the butterflies, the rainbows, the sunrise, and the sunset. They still push me day after day to be successful, but this time at living life. They help  me dance and listen to the music every day. They sit on the passenger side and enjoy each ride with me. They are the loudest voices in my head telling me what to do when I don’t feel good. They are in every meditation session when I have questions and want answers. They are the impulse to try new things and meet new people and just go for it and be fearless. They are part of the universe and the energy that steers my every move. I am so glad they are out there on my side routing me on. They see and feel what I am doing and the proof is in each manifestation, cuz living life in the lap of luxury and love  is what they  would have wanted, so now we share it together. Even more so than when they were physically here. I think they planned it all. I think they knew. I think they still nurture me and even better than when they could physically hold my hand. 


Because of the darkness, I can now dance to the rhythm of life until my body collapses. There is no going back. It’s a done deal. I shook hands with the universe and accepted my self, my self-created fate, the willingness to open up and love no matter what, and the ability to trust who I am and stick to what feels good. I still drive in many lanes, but stay mostly in the zone of happiness, leave the cooking to the universe, and follow my heart and passions. Life can be grand. We can all be wizards. The sun shines on us all. So the question is, will you take time to enjoy the sunrise? What will you do after sunset? Will you dance through the days? I made a choice to get busy living life and having fun with it all while I still have time. Will you?

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9/20/2020

As real as it gets…the journey #forlife

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This month marks 5 years living with cancer BUT thriving. How can that be? If I get straight to the nitty gritty there is a huge crappy list of sad things and a huge wonderful list of beautiful things that have all manifested in a very quick successional manner. I have written blog after blog as a means to get out my emotions, heal, help, and pave the path for my continuous journey. I have been abstract, raw, truthful, and vulnerable. I am only seeking the essence of who I am and who I can be. There has been lots of crying and smiling and contemplating. Sometimes I feel a mess and messy. Sometimes I feel anxious and scared. Sometime I feel like the sun couldn’t shine any brighter and the water couldn’t feel more peaceful. Sometimes I feel like I am making a big deal about things. Sometimes I feel judgement creeping in. Sometimes I just want to go to bed and do a restart of the day. Sometimes I want moments to never end. I guess that means I’m human.


This cancer thing has cast light on the ugliness that was me and given me gifts that keep me in awe every day. I gulp and shed tears as I write that sentence. My past was filled with buckets of shame and a hyper self-consciousness that wrecked the possibility of a healthy existence. I had unfulfilling relationships with everything in my life. However my present is filled with a peacefulness and acceptance of what the real me is and I am so thankful. Thank you cancer for turning my life into what it is. I have been torn down, but re-built and am continuously building new healthy relationships with myself, people, and life. It feels so much better.


I’ve had conversations with many people about cancer. I always try to play “middle-man” and see all sides and be objective. That is my nature. However, if I stick to my guns on how I truly feel about cancer it would be this….  Just like anything in life you can dwell or move forward. You can sit on the couch or you can live life. You can be assertive and educate yourself and decide what is best for you or listen and go along with the masses.  I made a choice. I made a plan. I made it happen. I stepped up to the plate and swung. I missed many times but in the end I hit it out of the ballpark. My commitment of natural healing lead to a happy and healthy and peaceful life. I feel like I won. Cancer is portrayed as a fearful and deadly thing and yes, it can be. I believe that if you can release personal fear, live healthy, accept, and focus on what makes you feel happy then  life can be golden. I believe it can shift your body into a state that is healthy. So yes cancer can be beat naturally and yes I can be considered a survivor but perhaps not in the conventional sense. I don’t feel like a warrior and I don’t want to be a warrior because that indicates struggle. We don’t have to struggle. We have choices. I like peaceful Tami and she is here to stay. I don’t like cancer but I accept that it has a bigger task in teaching our human race how to live. My mom died of cancer last year. I am heartbroken because she was my best friend, not because she had cancer. I am not angry at cancer. Blame gets you nowhere. When you are living a toxic life it can manifest and show up in your body as disease. Breast cancer was my manifestation. Ovarian cancer was my mom’s manifestation. I don’t believe you just get cancer for reasons that are inexplicable.


I think many people don’t address death or disease until they are struck with either of these scenarios personally. I was struck with both many times the past 5 years. Walking in these shoes has been very interesting. Forces of life that catapult you into different states of existence is what I would say it did for me. So long to old adages and ways of the past. Life is no longer about what I am doing but who i am being. The healthy lifestyle journey is for life. The promise to love and be loved is for life. The promise to stay connected to the universe and all of existence is for life. This is now #mylife and who I am. That’s as real as it gets for now. #watchmefly

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8/30/2020

imagine if everyone got right with themselves....

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Change. We learn with experience, grow with an open mind. The air we breathe can be suffocating so we seek alternative ways to keep alive. Some live as a “product” of the world. Some are freedom fighters and live for change. Some sit on the sidelines and watch. Some stay busy and work to end and/or continue the struggle. Some stay chillin at home to build themselves from within. Some take strong stances and beliefs and spread what they think is the truth. Some smile and continue on. Some frown and lash out. So whatever your way is to accomplish change, I salute you. We are collective minds that I believe are all seeking love. So whether it is love from yourself or another that you need to feel complete and full and happy, let’s go for it. Let’s break open the fruitfulness that this world offers and get to the sweetness that is the core.

Letting Go. Some vent and express themselves when filled with anguish only to spill their pain on to the world and it soaks into many minds and duplicates and spreads. I have witnessed the power of thought and when it is negative, everybody better hold on tight cuz that rollercoaster is bigger than the American Eagle. The beauty of emotion is that it passes. Emotion is part of life and how we can be pushed to move forward or backward or stay spinning in the same circle. Past stories seem to fill our minds and our lives. If we can only convince our minds THAT is not reality. We have the power to create our own reality and it can start in an instant. It really can. As humans we have so many attachments that are invisible. We are attached to people to places to things to feelings to old stories, etc, etc. Attachments are like baby security blankets. They feel good in the moment but long term are unrealistic. We all have power. To rid your self of these attachments and stand alone and feel strength and solitude and peace is a gift that exists within all of us. We just need to explore and let it out.

Build. When everyone around you is free then YOU are truly free. Then #1 reason to build up rather than tear down the people and places and things around you. When you let go then re-build your perspectives, I have seen and witnessed abundance and change and love and happiness and peace that is stronger than steel (or graphene to keep up with the times). The “ building “ I am speaking of doesn’t mean taking action and/or fighting for a cause and/or acting as a martyr. A stance of relaxing into the future and believing that the universe is working as it should. Our individual dreams and desires act collectively to shape our world. Getting out of our own ways and letting “the action take place” molds the universe. So if we let go, have a positive perspective, can get into a feel good place within ourselves, AND don’t need anything or anyone to change for us to feel better, THEN we are on our ways to a solid foundation.

Happy. If I feel happy then it is very likely that I am in a speaking realm of life that involves positive action and thought automatically. I have a peace that resides inside and a tranquility that embraces each new day. I feel unbothered by people who have not let go, have attachments, and live with past stories playing. My happy comes from a completion I feel from the inside out. It does not come from an external place. It allows me to proceed through each day with clarity and a belief that everything is always working out for me. Happy is a state of existence that exudes unconditional love and compassion. There is no trying to prove right or wrongness. It's a  sense of moving forward in all capacities and being open to "receive and give" in every moment in time. It feels easy and you feel ok with it and satisfied.

Freedom. Oh the big equation and answer to all. I remember writing this on the mirror at Depaul University when I was teaching college kids. At the time I had a feeling and a vision and I wasn’t even sure how to reach this but I knew it was the “final goal” for me in this lifetime. I knew it had meaning beyond what I even knew or thought at the time. I knew it was good for people to understand/know. It was the struggle and work  to release all these “human ways” and let our spirit take the reigns and guide existence. It was getting in touch with ourself and learning how to “manage”  ego and human ways so we can exist peacefully. It was no longer what we read or see or learned from the past. Freedom, like living in “America” through democracy the land of the free, or “Free at last” dictated by MLK was also a piece, but the product of being FREE within YOURSELF has been the ultimate game changer in my experience. Once you get right with yourself, the world changes. Imagine if everyone in the world got right with themselves…..






​some of my pics that display my efforts and help me stay and continue to get right with myself....

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7/24/2020

we...

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WE are a living, feeling, smiling, laughing, screaming, crying collective of energy that is all connected. WE love to taste the goodness, smell the goodness, hear the goodness, see the goodness, and touch the goodness. When you cry, I cry cuz I feel your sadness. When you scream, I scream too because I feel your frustration. When you look out with anger, I feel anger boiling inside too.  When you are quiet, I wonder what is going on and what I can do.


YOU are ME and I am YOU. I love your ways and the differences that make us a complete  whole dimensional display. I don’t look like you and you don’t look like me but I love our contrast and unique brain waves. I was always curious how you stayed so sane and calm and talked to them in that way. I always loved how you played and danced and would sing that way. I forever admired how you paid no attention and just did YOU each day.


ME, I was new to the human ways and  caught in darkness that dampened my way. At times I wished I was born rich with money but now I see abundance is in my brain. I have the power to think myself into riches and a light feeling like sun rays. I have the power to breathe and control my sane. I have the power to enjoy life with mindful moments on display. You stimulate my taste buds, I see the light and smell the flowers every day. I am part of the divine and power that encapsulate our ways.


Love is Allah, Brahma, Buddha, Christ, Consciousness, Divine, Evolution, God, Higher Power, Jehovah, Jesus, Krishna, Shiva, Source, Spirit, the Tao, Universal Oneness, and many more that ALL point in the same Direction. WE all seek LOVE. WE all seek to BE. So BE the love you seek and give the LOVE you seek. Most important, GIVE the LOVE you SEEK to yourself FIRST. Be kind to yourself and love yourself like no other. It is OK. Remember that YOU will only be your BEST and give your BEST when you ARE your BEST.


I am not a God or shaman or healer or even define my self as better or more educated than anyone. I am simply a person that had “life happen” and know from personal experience that 100% of the time it comes back to us being in touch with ourselves and caring for ourselves with love and compassion. If I am not loving to myself , then how am I going to be loving toward you? In the darkness we are pushed to show more love to cope and come out ahead. To change, to expand, to grow, to mold ourselves into what we are and just be and receive.


So whether you feel, taste, touch, see, smell, or hear what I am saying.. please know that LOVE flows over and over again over this cup and I see the beauty in YOU and ME and WE.  Together we will enjoy this lifetime. Together we will laugh and cry. Together we will communicate, listen, and comprehend what WE need in order to live FREE on this earth until we are BOUND to a future universal being.
We are not THEN, we are NOW. What do you want your life to be? What do you want to be? How do you want to be? If YOU are ME and ME are WE then how does it feel right to be anything but free? Will we gag ourselves to death or spread the sunshine that internally bleeds? WE is stronger than I so let’s get together, look each other in the eye, say our past goodbyes, and get moving  toward a future that has opulence and thrives.
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I see you, I hear you, I taste you, I touch you, I smell you, and you are Not part of a Census. You are my friend, my love, my co-worker, my partner, my sister, my brother, and my child.  You are my equal and we both are leaders, followers, teachers, preachers, and students. So follow my lead as we rise to another level of universal Being and Oneness.


Much love my people. Looking forward to greatness, goodness, and a life full of pleasure not pain.

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6/28/2020

opening up to freedom within...

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What’s that buzzing in my head? Oh it’s just another download of information from the universe working it all out  in divine order. My crown chakra feels high and I feel lighter and happier and clearer and am more directional in thought. It’s like the world takes over and the energy whirlwinds around and blows magic dust within all of us. At least that is what I feel at this moment in time. We open up in ways that are  unexplainable and we really don’t need to go out and tell everyone, we just be it.

I had a FaceTime with my aunt today and had another personal  growth spurt when she spewed out all the black lives matter knowledge she knew about to date. I was happy and delighted that she took the time at age 78 to give a shit about how people feel and to educate herself on something that was so in our face today. She was thoughtful and acknowledged her past beliefs and how she understood how black people felt to some degree. She admitted her biases and was not accusatory of herself in her past thoughts and beliefs, but understood she was part of a system and society and she was a reflection of that existence. She was compassionate and methodical and loving in her thoughts and new beliefs. I felt proud and happy on many levels. It was another human perspective and willingness to be open and expressive in a gentle manner that was easy to digest and understand and feel thankful for. It was an example of being ourselves and that we are all teachers in different manners. It was a conversation that helped me to gain some clarity for myself and my own purpose. It was a great example of how to live life. So thanks auntie!

As I ponder what is next for me in life, as we all move through what is now, I feel like a combination of a sponge, a chia head, dora the explorer, and dust in the wind that floats arounds existing within everyones space being an observer.  I have clarity that my purpose is to spread the message of how to open up to freedom within ourselves. I now am in awe that all the past “stuff” in my life and current happenings have all been a set up for my future. I am proud to have been born with a natural equality thinking mind and had “things” happen in my life that urgently and passionately pushed me ever so gracefully into leading by example and knowing the desire within to feel and be complete freedom. It’s like everything just makes complete sense now. Not sure I can even explain better or that I even want to right now. Not saying I have it all figured out. I don’t think it ever gets all figured out. I don’t think there is anything to figure out. Not sure if that even makes sense.

My slow but steady  #watchmefly journey has taken twists and turns I could never have even dreamed up. I still cannot believe that I lead such a prior catatonic life that was the lead-in to an almost 2nd life full of aliveness and bliss and much more of a pleasant experience and existence. I feel thankful and full of lots of never ending love for myself and all of humanity and the universe and mother nature. I feel joy to know that I could actually give back to humanity by helping others to see through my new lenses. I feel a deep bliss that I might have some helpful tools and knowledge and insight into how to get to that freedom within. I feel a steady vision that from all the dark always come a lightness and that my vision is stuck in this one-dimensional view for now. Again, really unexplainable, just going with the universal flow.

I see myself along with all humanity really “waking up” to some extent. I was taking stock of what my education has been to date and what I feel I currently believe and have learned and where it got me. I understand I was lucky enough to be educated through a college level and was also able to add many additional certifications after college. I was lucky to have jobs and experiences and titles that indicated I was excelling and growing. I was lucky to have parents and family and friends that enabled an internal growth for myself and different perspectives on life and how to exist and live. On the flip side I also realize that some of these attachments to these “things” created a disconnection on how I was living and my true purpose and ability to connect with humanity. It was past perspective and now I have new perspective.

To date just about every single relationship in my life has changed over the past 5 years. The biggest one would be the relationship with myself. I had no idea this was important and vital and key to opening up to our freedoms. I was dumb and knew nothing and didn’t know any better. I was also pure love and the intention was always good. Now I know something. If I were to die today I am so glad I know that something. It’s just a piece of the pie and I still feel like a spec of dust on this earth. My ego is in check and I am actually friend with my ego rather than foe. I feel like the lotus slowly opening up. Yes it is an awakening. I am so thankful and happy. I still have my egotistical days and all emotions but that reminds me I am human and we are all part of the process and needed to keep it all evolving and expanding. We are all important in these snapshots.


the universe has been showing us for years that dark turns to light, that storms come and go, and that it is still a beautiful place to be...

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I feel lucky to still be here. I feel lucky to have and be able to see my own personal attributes clearly so I can use my power gracefully. I have always been a “big picture” thinker and viewer. I consider it my best “quality” as a human that is “doing”and taking action. I feel lucky to be an equal and to see that equality within all of us. Many times it was hard to support myself and feel equal and believe in myself due to the past. Hopefully all my self-work has obliterated any negative self-belief out of the water. I think it takes bucking the systems, standing up for yourself and being your own advocate. And even nicer when done in a pleasant manner so more of the masses can digest what it is in front of them. After all we are all teachers in some capacity. At least that is what I believe. From my experience, this freedom from within takes moving through fear, letting go, accepting ourselves and all of humanity. I look forward to leading by example and giving gifts. It sounds fun to me. It sounds like a good way to live. 


If you are reading this, thank you. I am hopeful to continue my writing and exploring that 2nd half of life with myself and all of humanity. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.



I will leave you with all the phrases that leaked out of my head today. They are representative of some of what I have learned to date about life…


Educate and research to better ourselves and others and help change beliefs to a positive perspective

Absorb new thoughts and ideas and re-train the brain with repetition

Come to our own conclusions and advocate

Open your heart and mind

Take care of your body

Allow yourself to feel your emotions and try not to numb yourself out cuz it’s too intense

Get and stay connected with the essence of who you are

Manage and be friends with your ego and enjoy the human elements

Lead by example

Support others endeavors when it feels good for you 

You can change your mind and direction at any time or place

Maintain your own and stay connected with the universal energy

Enjoy the moments, the journeys, and the processes

Maintain love and compassion and gift giving

Put yourself in other peoples shoes

Be a great listener

Communicate what you want nicely

Tune into how and what people are feeling to develop your compassion

Give praise 

Be thankful

Smile and laugh

Let go and enjoy the ride

Continue self-expansion, self- compassion, self-love, and self-acceptance and practice the same with all individuals

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6/7/2020

What is my part and why?

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If there was a possibility  to exist or awaken to our natural state of being Today, are you open and can you embrace that possibility? If the answer is Yes, let’s do a short and  simple exercise. Are you willing to sit quietly for a few minutes? You can stand, sit, lay down, close your eyes, open your eyes, whatever is comfortable. Now individually, let’s not engage with our past or future. Pretend like they are movies, and just turn them off for the time being. Leave any thought of intention or regret. Turn off any thought or feeling or experience. Just be. Let go of who you think you are or what you have done or what you have or what you have accomplished or what you still want to achieve. When we are done you can turn it back on if you like. Just be. Recognize right here, right now. The what is. Leave everything else alone. Remain empty of thought and concepts. It is possible. No thoughts of past, just don’t engage. Even about the future and present , don’t engage. It’s not important if you wish to discover your true self. That’s already a  huge weight removed from you. Yes? Feel and see an empty and open space. Pay attention to your natural inner environment free of thought. Really put yourself in this state of being. You are not waiting for anything, you are just here. A limitless state of being right now. You are still aware but staying empty and not engaging. Simple to follow if you choose. When you are clear of thoughts, memories, self descriptions, ideologies, finish all your mental activity and emotions, you have the power to do this. When this is clear for you, you are here, let’s ask some questions. Answer with a yes or no and respond. Pay attention to just what is right now.

What is here beyond thought, intention, memory, and dreams?

Is it personal?
Is it a belief?
Is it an object?
Have you created it?
Is it a mood or emotion?
Are there any boundaries?
Can it become sick?
Can it fade or disappear?
Is it a philosophy or religious?
Is it for or against anyone?
Can it be lost?
Can it be possessed by one group of people or a person?
Does it judge or criticize?
Was it born? Can it disappear or die?

Whatever this is, whatever is really here at this moment, this “is”ness, this limitlessness, this freedom, this discovery, where has it been all our life? This awareness is our own self. It is not an object or a mood or a feeling or philosophy or belief or religion or a skin color or an opinion. It is not a sexual preference or a body part or a gender or an identity.

There is not distance from what this is, this is the truth of you. The all encompassing being of you. It's us.

So if this is true, if it is this easy to just be, why would we not?

If this “being ness “ naturally connects all of us, then wouldn’t it be to our advantage to be? Wouldn’t it be to our advantage to teach others to be? Wouldn’t it feel better for all of us just to be? If we are limitless, why do we put limits on our humanity? If we are this power together, why do we act out in power to control humanity? Why do we categorize and label? We are not problems to be fixed, we are beings in need of getting in touch with our own self.


Yes?


Why do we say black lives matter and where should we go from here and what is each individuals part?

We are seeing the inflammation of ego. Just like a compromised immune system and body that is sick, means inflammation in the body exists. Just like a wound that becomes infected and puffs up and turns colors and hurts and swells and bleeds. Only ego can lose sight and create tragedy against humanity and put it all on video and show the world in a way that undeniably displays acts of violence that have been manifested time and time again. These are shows that cannot be unseen and effects everyone.


So if living in ego can create this tragedy, then wouldn’t it best serve us to not be in ego, but to learn how to BE and be connected to our truth? If BEingness is a collective WE, why do we beat up ourselves? Why do we kill ourselves? It makes no sense. But ego is not sensical. Living only in thought and perspective is not always sensical. Living in pure emotion is not always sensical. Living only in our bodies is not sensical. Yes these are all parts of living life as human being. We made it here for some reason, so let’s all come together, just be, be in the “is”ness  and create a humanity that feels good.


How do we do that?


Get connected with the truth of ourselves.
Display compassion and love.
Support and help others.


What else can I personally do?


You pick. That’s the beauty of it all. If you have money, sure donate to a cause. If you have kids, be a good teacher of inclusivity instead of exclusivity. If your work involves decision making, let it be about equality and made out of love. Be an inspirational leader. Display acts of kindness. When someone is hurt or hurting, show them compassion and love. Whatever your “work” or trade is, use it to help create positive change with what serves us well. Help create something new. Be part of a team. Connect with humanity beyond ego and get out of our own fears. Let go of the past and forgive. Be thankful. Extend a hand if someone asks for help. Look humanity in the eyes and be authentic.

By doing so WE get ahead of it all so we stop being reactionary.



So wherever you are perhaps ask yourself….


Am I contributing to solution or problem?

Am I displaying human compassion & support?

Am I adding to the pile of systemic issues regarding inequality of humans and how people are treated?

Am I caught up in myths from past that cause inequality and separation?

Am I following along out of habit and passed on beliefs?

Can and will  I re-evaluate my current perspective and core beliefs?

How and where will I spend  spend my energy and time to contribute to an existence that serves all of us well?

Do I want to be a follower or leader?

Do I want to be a victim or an advocate?

Now let's take the lead and define our own parts. This is our role in humanity. We don't have to tell anyone or explain to anyone. Just do it. Just be. I think we all know why. We all enjoy freedom and love and happiness and health and are here to create. Join the "movement" and watch ALL of us FLY.
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4/10/2020

When your world shifts...

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What do you do? Go on a rampage? Sit down and cry? Get angry and revolt? Go on like nothing happened? Lash out at people close to you or far away? Sit in judgement and criticism? Be a victim of circumstance? Talk poorly of others and your negative perception? Bow down to a popular thought or reaction? Go along with the masses?  Doubt yourself and others? Sit and worry about things you cannot change?​

OR

Speak with love and kindness? Respect everyones’ perspective and decisions? Keep a smile and laughter throughout the day? Tend to yourself and keep it positive? Educate yourself and make your own decisions? Go with the flow and accept what is happening and know that everything is ok? Keep your adventure going through the new norm? Meditate and clear your human mind for a new start and new day?


Gee. I know which one sounds best. Hopefully you pick what FEELS good too!


We have wandered around aimlessly. We created mundane lives. We ignored our emotions and feelings. We obsessed over reality tv, news reports, and kept our noses glued to our electronics. Some of us were not truthful to ourselves. Some of us thought we knew what happiness and existence was before tragedy struck. We are a world at war aiming for peace. Peace within ourselves. Peace within societies. Peace within the world. We have fought wars. We have been creative and inventive. We have killed AND helped one another. We have been grateful and greedy all in the same breath. Some lost sight of what was only to focus on what the current situation is and are trying to find a way to look forward. We did what we thought was ok from the perception of what we knew…. Now we are knowing and learning more….


What is your NEW perception.. PLEASE share.

Feel free to comment and share

Thx for reading and listening.


Tami
XO

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2/29/2020

Loving yourself

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I have been humbled and shown grace every single day the last 5 years. I might not have always seen it that way but now it is very clear. The universe has an odd job cuz it’s always on duty. Always working for everyones well being every single moment in time. The universe must be super fucking busy. I am surprised the universe doesn’t just give up and say fuck it cuz of all the humans in the world. And they never stop co-creating so this is a job for life. Wow. I am amazed again.

I embarked on my healing self journey 5 years ago. It has taken 5 years, disease, and death to help me realize all I have to do is  be the best me and let the universe do the rest. I have been shown time and time again how much I have expanded and how beautiful life and people can be. Most of it is about perspective and I love these new lenses I can see out of! It’s wonderful!

These 5 years have been filled with  beautiful forms of self love, honesty, tastes of bliss, love of another, and massive self-expansion. In true universe style it has included dark, light, sunshine, tears, laughter, sadness, disappointment, and capping it all off with the act of leading with love at all times. I have experienced what it feels like to exist in moments where you can genuinely be 100% yourself authentically. I experienced ease and flow and joy and lots of smiles and warm fuzzies and love thoughts and feelings. I experienced feeling doubtful about myself and very confident in who I am in the same moment. I experienced looking someone in the eyes and just knowing the idea of truth and love and joy instantly. I am in awe.

I have successfully eliminated the unhealthy habits of attachments in life and lack of belief in myself. I am soooo happy. I still have lots of questions. I still have moments I want it all now and lack patience to just enjoy the process. I still get ancy and wonder what the bigger picture really is and how it will all turn out. I still yearn to be deeply in love. Perhaps now it will be possible since I have found true self love. I still yearn to travel the earth and adventure through it all in some capacity. I know for sure I like to move and be active. I also love to just chill and enjoy the moments and sunshine. I  yearn to perform and stay connected with people. I know for sure that everything is ok and all is working out. I can see the same journey within other people I have met. I am so excited to attract people with the same mindset so I can share my discoveries and findings and have someone not think I am crazy. I am mostly thankful for being surrounded with all the beautiful thoughts, memories, words, selfless actions, acts of strength and bravery, smiles and laughs, hugs, and kisses that have given me comfort and love and support in times that seem so dark.

People have helped my world spin within orbit and out of control at times. People have brought me such love that I can’t contain myself. I have allowed love in my life and it feels so good that I can’t stop and I can’t wait for the next moment. I can’t wait to share. I can’t wait to give. I can’t wait to express myself. I can’t wait to know more about others. I can’t wait. I can’t wait. I lose my breath every time a person expresses complete honesty and vulnerability. It’s a mirror of where I am and it is beautiful.  I am so proud of all that I have let into my life. I am so proud of all the expansion. However I am most excited about what the future holds. I am curious how others formulate their lives and how they adapt to this mindful century of life.

My eyes are wide open and observing all the new love. My mind is open and embracing all the love. My emotions are all over the place. My body is happy to be flowing once again. My soul is so tuned in and turned on that I sometimes can’t stand it and don’t know what to do but sit and meditate. I see the love. I feel the love. I am the love. I am so thankful. Thank you universe. Thank you mama. I love you. My heart is exploding and so full at the same time.

Much Love- Tami xo

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2/20/2020

beauty and the beast...

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​We are all both beauty and beast in many ways. I like to say the beauty is when we are connected with soul, leading with love, and begin to see things in a bright sunshine way. I like to say the beast is when we struggle and trudge through life, deal with people/relationships, and how we think and treat ourselves. Beast is who we become when we are living in our ego-driven human body and function out of dysfunction.

SO Marinate in all the feel good Moments of life so you have lots of good Memories and Milk it for all it’s got!. Why not? So you can live a life filled with bliss. So you can be and create more happiness for you and all around you. So you can live healthy and functional and a good quality of life. So you can be the best you and do the best while you are here on earth. Be beautiful. Be a beauty.

I really think all of humanity aims for the same thing. In constant search of love, happiness, and prosperity. In this case I will add the word “security”. Security as in needing/wanting some type of “people-place-thing” because it makes you feel secure in a way with your place on earth. As if we need extra things to complete us or make us whole or count on it in case something goes wrong. These security blankets suddenly don’t seem so secure anymore. I am slowly but surely waking out of this state of security. It’s like a security blanket but internal and we are not always conscious of these “attachments”. It’s just part of our beast. But you gotta love the Beast cuz it got ya where ya are today!

My continued and now never-ending health journey has me Marinating in all the goodness that is presenting itself in my life. That is the beauty in me! It is also showing me Darkness and how you can choose to continue on and feel your emotions then hop right back in the “game of life”. More of the beauty. In the dark shows us many options and self-expansions if we choose to see the light in the dark and look at it’s beauty.

SO “seeking bliss” and “embracing the beauty of darkness” have really pushed me out of fear and to be the most secure human being that I can be without attachments. So beautiful. To make decisions and go for it and be confident. Beautiful. To reach for what feels good all the time. Even more beautiful. To attract people that are in the same mindsets. Feels beautiful. To use it as a guide on what is next for you.  So exciting AND beautiful.

So cheers to the beauty and the beast cuz they have an eternal impact on how we expand as humans and how we are spirit living a human experience. As soon as we let go of rules, regulations, conditions, and old stories of life only THEN can we truly start to open our eyes and gain new perspective on what life can really BE all about. A fun place to be creative, to love, to adventure, to smile, to laugh, to dance, to play, and to gaze at endlessly.

I love you my life and am so thankful to have this opportunity to explore humanity and the earth while my body still allows. You are my peace and my pride and my joy. Thanks. My heart sings.


​xo Tami






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1/26/2020

HEAVY HEARTS….

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Laws of the universe say contrast happens to push us from dark to the light. That’s how we expand as energy, people, and collectively as spirit. I suppose this expansion is how we can cope and remain as society and individuals filled with hope and love… how we can check our own realities and live in worlds that support a sense of team and community… and how we can look to the creativity within us and around us that helps us fly within our existence.

We are truly boundless. Its beautiful. We are races and religions and genders and mindsets and ideas and cities and countries…. a humanity reaching for the same thing... love.

We may seek externally for this love and continue to witness life happening in divine order.

We see and hear and smell and feel and taste and touch this love.

It feels good to shine light on that love… and when that love is returned… we are over the moon. This sunshine lights us up in ways that push us closer to be who we want to be. We love… we smile…we hug…we represent a spec of what it means to be alive in this lifetime.
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If we choose, we can see glory and abundance and bliss. It’s breathtaking. 

It’s the gift we receive for bearing the presence of a heavy heart.

It's within us. We can seek internally for guidance and clarity and peace which will lead us to a love that stems from the heart and glides out of each of us with such grace that it lifts up everything in existence. We see rainbows and beauty and pots of gold that now seem so irrelevant to why we are here and how we want to BE in this lifetime. We continue with ease and keep loving and keep living.

We lift our heavy hearts now cuz we are strong from within and THAT is how we WIN when our human time is up. 

At least that's what i choose to believe.
​

#watchmefly

​XO tami

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12/3/2019

The POWER of THOUGHT...

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My brain has been doing 360’s the past year. I am forced to really look at what thoughts are going through my head, acknowledge the emotion and just let it be and let it sit and simmer and then let it dissipate. The notion of suppressing emotions is familiar and now I realize it leads to stress and not so good feelings that bubble up eventually so you might as well get them out when they come the first time. I also realize that we all have a very powerful tool. Our monkey minds can be tamed and trained into thought that can serve the self in a healthy way. We often think of money and status and size and gaining respect as external things that need to be achieved to have or feel powerful. WE often look externally as well for approval and confidence and self worth. All we really have to do is tap into our minds and create our own scenarios and that can be reality. Power rests within our thoughts. The idea is to stop being reactive and start being a creator. Truth.

It’s crazy how you can have a thought and feel one way then instantly change your thought or talk to someone that sheds light on a different thought and your bad feelings can fade away. I guess it ’s like exercise, the more you do it the better trained your mind will get. I think I understand the concept of mind, body, soul better too. Sheepishly, I admit I am just now fully understanding this concept better. I have been in the health and fitness industry for years…. I guess you can say we are always learning.

Think Better. Do Better. Be Better. Stay Better. That would be my 2020 new motto! It’s all about getting in alignment with your spirit and learning how to stay there more often than not. Leading with love. Being appreciative. Being so in alignment that no-one or nothing really bothers you cuz you are SOOOO in alignment with your SELF. THAT is my dream and focus for 2020. It involves not caring what others think about you. Feeling free in your own body. Feeling comfortable in your own skin. Feeling light as opposed to heavy. Feeling happy and healthy and energetic and flowy! Yes that’s what I wish. Now I just gotta keep reminding my brain.

I have clarity around this matter and yes I am still learning and growing and expanding. It will never get done and I am okay with that. Everything is ok and always working out for us. I am happy to have a brain that functions with great memories. I am happy to have 5 senses that help life seem more fulfilled and experiential. I am happy these senses can feed my mind and help out with this positive power of thought idea. So grateful.

So I guess the next time you wake up ask your brain how you can create the best day ever! Perhaps lay in silence when you first wake up and see what space you can create in your mind that is full of blankness. Kinda like if you were to wake up and erase the chalkboard and look at it all blank. Then as the day goes by you fill it with positive thought. Yes meditation and sleep can help with this process. They are like a reset and the cool thing is we get to do it every single day! It is true! Every day is a new day, a fresh start, a moment to contribute positive to your thought, a moment to be compassionate towards yourself, a moment to love and live free in your own reality. We create what our life can be so it is worth it to take time to utilize our power of thought and be the most happiest and powerful creatures on earth and beyond.

I used to surround myself with quotes and stuff and realized that was the start to retraining my brain. The true expansion and change takes place when you put the words into action and live them out and actually believe them. It is a process that takes place within yourself and only has to do with yourself and nobody else.  You have the power to expand your horizon to why not? Why not start to live fully? Why not create sunshine for yourself and others every day? WE are our own power and sometimes we let other people places and things and situations cloud our thought. It's ok we are human and that is part of the learning and growing process. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself enough to know that greatness exists within you already and all you have to do is tap into it. It's awesome! It's like a class where you already have an A and ll you have to do is keep the A.


Not sure how to get started? Well, maybe wake up tomorrow and try to lay in bed and meditate and see what happens….
i figured if i let this slideshow repeat over and over it would help us retrain our brains... :)

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11/20/2019

The Last Heartbeat and  the Carousel…

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We can listen. We can learn. We can love. We can hate. We can dream. We can expand. We can judge. We can be passionate. We can uplift. We can manipulate. We can live in fear. We can create happiness. We can be humble. We can be egotistical. We can be shy. We can be extroverts. We can be loud. We can be soft. We can be human. We can be spirit. We can be emotional. We can be racist. We can be loyal. We can be disciplined. We can be righteous. We can feel weak. We can feel strong. We can be creative. We can go with the flow. We can be controlling. We can communicate. We can be good leaders. We can be teachers. We can be preachers. We can be victims. We can forgive. We can be bound. We can be free.

These are choices we can make each day for ourselves.

The day my mother passed she taught me all of these. I will preface this blog by saying that 10months of living with someone who is dying and holding their hand until the bitter end gives you a glimpse into another world and how we really can choose how to live and how to exist in this world. The process goes from loud and noisy and turbulent to pure silence and peace. The process shows us the gift of life and the gift of spirit and the gift of freedom. You can also choose to focus on the disparity of the situation or the beauty in the situation. Again, we have the choice and that is pure bliss.

I suppose the question is do you want to be happy and live happy?

If the answer is yes well then the great news is you have total control over whether or not that becomes your reality. You can live as a  grumpy grumpnoid or seek to create a day of sunshine no matter what is going on with you or others or in the world. We often look externally for happiness instead of taking responsibility and looking within ourselves. Did you know the happier you become with your SELF the less people and situations will bother you? Did you know that as soon as you stop caring what others MIGHT THINK of you then you are truly free? Did you know that when you stop, listen, and observe, and take in the world the more connected and in awe you might feel of what is around you? Too many times we say appreciate and be grateful but are those just words and thoughts until you really take time out to be quiet and just be?

I wonder if all the spirits who are not human any more are just chuckling at our existence?

I am hopeful to ask my mom as soon as I can get hold of the long island medium one day and talk to her…. Just kidding… or maybe not? :)  My mom was smart. My mom was pretty. My mom was unconditional yet conditional. She lived by rules and regulations but I think she strived to live more with a free spirit. I think like everyone else she yearned to be the most self-confident in everything and the idea of being not confident felt like being out of control. I think she felt responsible and very well liked and courageous. She made a difference. She made a legacy. She made us all be better. She fought and we fought. We all became better advocates through health and sickness. I laid by her side and told her I loved her until I heard her heart slow down and eventually the last heartbeat. She lay still while I grappled on tightly. I think she floated out of the room in silence.

I walked out of her room and looked out the window. It was numbingly silent and peaceful at the same time. The world seemed still except for the movement of a carousel. I remember this vivid thought … “and life still goes on… what will you do with yours”. It was eery yet profound at the same time. It was sad but glad at the same time. It was love but sadness at the same time. It was death but life at the same time. They say we are in a time of awakening so I guess this was part of mine. 8 weeks later my 2nd mom passed away and I begged to keep her in the condolence/viewing room so I could say my goodbyes. Her last heartbeat was mistakenly misconstrued because of a pacemaker. She was thought to be alive but really dead? She looked fine. She looked ok. We just saw her 2 days ago. Now she was on a stretcher being rolled away. I actually think she was having a hard time letting her “heart parts” go. She chose to be brave and just suck it up until the end. That is what she did. She gave and listened and gave and listened and gave an listened and gave and listened until she could no longer. She was my 2nd mom. I guess there was still more life learning and awakening that needed to happen, that still needs to happen. It’s not about the actual passing, that is about realization. Death of a mom or moms is another story. It’s about the before and after. The heartbeat, the last heartbeat, and the movement of the carousel which is life as a human. It's about the humanistic side and what to do , what to be, wth. My 2 best friends and confidants were now gone.

Tell me what that carousel looks like and feels like and whether or not it will break down or keep going. Point being again we have choice. We can stay in an emotional state by recreating it over and over or we can move beyond moments in time. We can be nice and just let things be and know everything is okay or we can be jerks and controlling and unhappy people. We can gripe and moan about the people , places, and things around us or we can keep it positive and keep moving forward. This is a call to action to live your best life and be healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. Yes death will come to us all and it is solely our choice as to how we live and how we choose to be. We have control and if there is any controlling going on I think the best version is taking control of your SELF by creating a great life and choosing happiness and love. The opposite just won’t do and won’t help create a good life for anyone. We are all in this together so why not act like it and be kind to one another. So let’s all ride the carousel with great joy until our last heartbeat.



Tami xo

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11/16/2019

Good Grief Charlie Brown….

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I feel like all the characters in Charlie Brown. Particularly Marcie with the glasses, you can never see her eyes. It’s like she is in another world and just has a sensible comment every now and then. I recently looked back at some of the Charles Schultz cartoons and sayings and quotes and realized how they emulated life so well.  I am realizing there are many Schultz quotes that emulate life’s natural processes very well. According to law of attraction what you are vibrating is what you are putting out and is essentially what you get back and it is a reflection of where you are “at”. I believe this. Call it karma. Call it wacky. Call it sensible but non sensible. Point is we create our own worlds and perspective and how we live and what we choose and how we exist play a huge impact on life and how the everyday process winds up or winds down. So I say if it feels good then do it, if it doesn’t feel good then don’t do it. That’s my motto these days.

Good is light and grief is dark? Yes in the emotional terms. So how is that suppose to help and advance me? Well because if there was no dark we would not be pushed into the light and desire for the light. Light as in happy and healthy and bliss feeling as opposed to dark and heavy and stressed and sad feeling. Dark as in tough things that happen that are hard to swallow emotionally and Light as in happy things that show up in our world that we need to receive and let happen. We still have the choice in how we perceive and navigate through these things in life. Do you wanna wake up and feel like shit every day or wake up and feel good every day. ME, I wanna feel good and it has taken a long time to understand what that actually feels like and how I have complete control over that, which seems weird. I guess the point is to live happily we create our own happy life. In order to do that I believe we have to continually be in alignment and connected with our spirit so we have peace and clarity to be able to receive what we desire. Should we get what we desire? Yes!

This brings me back to dark and light. We need both, yes. That is how I get through death and grief. If you follow my blogs or have not been in touch for a while yes both my 2 moms passed away this Summer/Fall season. I never once asked why or said this isn’t fair. I understand the dark and welcome the dark even though it doesn’t feel so hot. Perhaps my first movie Star Wars subconsciously prepared me for the darkness in an odd way. I dunno. Perhaps the undoubting affection and loyalty and belief from my moms is what holds the dark at bay and makes the dark journey worthwhile. Perhaps shifting my perspective to the “world is good” instead of the “world is bad” make all the difference. Perhaps believing in humanity and the goodness is the trick. Perhaps meditation and eating green is the answer. Perhaps being still and just listening is what helps project us into happy land. Perhaps the solid belief in your self is what makes you shine and helps put out those dark vibes. Perhaps believing that we are all energy and connected and we are just a spec on this earth is what is needed. Maybe understanding we have an ego and emotions but we are really part of this one connected sprit is enough to live happily?
I really don’t have any answers or suggestions right now. But I do know that everything is ok and always working out for us. It took me a long time to understand this but to truly live and believe it is another thing. Charlie Brown always celebrated holidays and had friends around. There was always muffled noise in the background of voices, I like that concept nowadays. As soon as you can stop caring what everyone else says and thinks then you are really on your way is what I believe. I don’t mean be insensitive, it means listen to your self, take in what others say but only take out what serves you best and apply to your life.

So I guess good grief is just another way to acknowledge that with light there is dark and so is life and we must keep going forward and expanding as human beings. Darkness happens every day but until you “experience” something you really don’t know. You also don’t know the depths of how something can move you until you go through it. I think it’s how you utilize the dark and light that really makes the difference. I am humbled by the dark and thankful for the light.

love u moms today and forever


Tami xo
i always watched charlie brown and couldn't understand why ... now i know... charles schultz had good realistic one-liners
lucky enough to have 2 moms in this lifetime....
purple, orchids, butterflies, all reppin my moms.. my newest tats
my mom 12 months ago... always chipper no matter what... she did her hair and makeup until the end... 

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10/28/2019

Death and Chances….

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Today is a new day. The sun always rises. The sky is always just there. You can feel what the weather is each day. It always just is and it’s truth. These are such big and profound yet simple partners we are all lucky to witness and live with throughout our time on earth.  No matter the weather, we can exist and create our own realities each and every day. No matter the weather, this human nature stuff always seems to be there through thick and thin. The water, mountains, trees, flowers, animals, and people keep coming and going and growing and expanding and changing and are just being. When I think about life this way all the  other stuff seems pretty irrelevant and unimportant.

Yesterday was the past and is no longer reality. The process of letting go is often what we can do as humans to keep moving forward in a happy and healthy manner so we can enjoy life. Sometimes I wish I was like a tree or the sun cuz then I don’t have to get caught up in all this human emotion. It’s been a process to really build a solid core of a human being to be able to really say I can enjoy life, I can cope with life, I can enjoy all that is around me. Perhaps some will never get there until they pass. Not sure. I believe in the law of attraction and the laws of the universe and my pending questions are… When you pass is it like you are free in every way? Do you get a snapshot of your life and all the puzzle pieces just make sense instantaneously? This seems amazing. I hope this is what happens.

Tomorrow is still a dream. It’s too far ahead to worry and get anxious about. Step by step. Day by day. Everything is ok. Everything is always working out for us. That’s what I keep telling myself. 4 years ago when I declared “watchmefly” as a motto to coach myself through healing naturally from cancer I had no idea I would be here. These slivers of my tomorrow have been very profound. I knew the theme of really embarking on a “letting go” process would be intrinsic anatomically, emotionally, spiritually, and mindfully. I remember not being sure and am still willing to try or do anything just for the experience to help myself and/or others. I did not realize or want to accept that “letting” go also meant people, places, things, and relationships. I slowly learned all the attachments we have as humans and that we really are divine just the way we are. Now if we could all just really believe this, THAT would be wonderful and I am sure there would be less chaos and drama in the world and within ourselves.

My today, yesterday, and tomorrow is filled with death. The thought of death to me has always been a thing that happens. Yes it is sad. But not scary and running from death type of feeling. I enter the 2nd half of my life experiencing the death of my 2 mothers over the past few months. I have lots of words that need to be organized and let go so I can keep moving forward. Strangely, at the same time my today, yesterday, and tomorrow are also filled with beauty. I have and continue to be given many chances to enhance my self and my life. It’s really true that all you have to do is chill out and get in alignment and let all things come to you. I am trying to stay in alignment so I attract what I desire in this lifetime. I have been presented vivid examples within myself, my family, my friends, and people in general of how we live and how we can make it great. I have received great gifts that will forever change my life and my self so I can continue to reach bliss hopefully in this lifetime. So as I wipe my tears every day I am so in awe and appreciative for all that is, what once was, and what will be.

As I mourn and go through grief I try to keep standing tall so I can still share and give my experience to others in hopes that we all can continue to live and learn. I am still here. We are still here. Life has not wiped me on the ground and I don’t struggle, I thrive through the pain. Death is a prime example of what life is… the contrast of light and dark, that is life. We need that in order to get to where we want to be. To get what we desire. In fact there is daily dark and light so we have chance after chance to keep at it, to get it, to keep going, to look at things differently, to love more, to give more, to receive more, to experience more, to chill more, to create more, to laugh more, to smile more, to cherish more.

Today I kinda feel like a snake that sheds skin. Slowly but surely I have been shedding layer by layer of old stuff that once was. The process is transformative and expansive and loving and connected all at the same time. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have and continue to be in very unfamiliar territory and it is eye opening. I just keep reminding myself to breathe. This tomorrow stuff feels a little wobbly but we all continue and do the best we can. I write this blog again in honor of my 2nd mom, Pat, who gave me the biggest gifts by being her self and displaying freedom, fun and creativity, and lead a non-discriminating life on every level. She was the perfect 2nd mom. My moms complemented each other perfectly and gave me the best experience as a daughter.  I had different relationships with my moms and they both were very deeply connected. Their deaths have given me the most profound look at my self and life. Thanks moms!

​xo Tami

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10/17/2019

Light up the chronic and let the angels speak…

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There is much to be said about peace and quiet. Ironically, silence can be deafening. If there is one thing I know for sure that I have gained the past 4 years, it is a sense of who I am, what I am, and sometimes just not knowing. The magic trick has been training my mind to completely blank out. To reach that shut off mode, like when you meditate. The other magic trick has been to actually stay in that zone amidst chaos and to milk it when you are vibrating on a high and sunshiny mode. Then, you know you might be on to something new for yourself.  What is that something? It kinda feels like the angels speaking out loud and you feel like you hear and see a message loud and clear. It is a peaceful and quiet message. However, it is so big that it seems and feels loud and overpowers everything going on around you and within you. I guess you could call this being in alignment according to the law of attraction. It sometimes feels very emotional I think because when you are new at seeing and discovering and hearing in a different way it is really overwhelming. It changes you every single time.


It can be as chronic as a human disease. So I will let it be chronic. I love chronic. Darkness to lightness is needed to transform and often times leads us to where we want to be and who we want to be. I am a writer and I love metaphors and simile’s and antonyms AND being grammatically incorrect. I also LOVE run-on sentences! SO, here is a BIG analytical one for you…  If darkness is part of our existence just like dark starry nights, and lightness is part of our life like warm sunshiny days, then why can’t we all just get along and be happy? Why can’t we all just accept life and ourselves and keep it moving? Why? OH yeah, there is that 1 little thing called being a human. We have a brain and emotions and the world kicks in and we pay attention to everything and everyone around us and think THAT is our reality. Sorry but not sorry to say THAT is merely a second of your life then it is over. Oh yeah, THEN perception kicks in and we all have debates and turmoil kicks in and opinions and criticisms and more emotions and blah blah blah. Waaaahhhhh , my head is spinning, is yours???


WE create our own reality. WE have the power to create what is. WE can simply close our eyes and be in another reality that we create. It really is that easy. Easy but not easy I get it. It takes repetitious time just like you would try to exercise a few times a week. It takes believing in what you are doing? It takes not caring about what other people are saying and doing? It takes loving humans AND spirit so deeply that you appreciate what everyone is doing simultaneously just to be here on earth and just to experience and live on the leading edge every moment in time? It takes forming NO opinion and just listening and observing and shutting up for some amount of time? It is believing and knowing that everything is ok? It is letting your life come to a halt and just letting things be? It is letting the connection between human and spirit exist?


Chronic and angels in the same sentence just seems wrong but I love it and am going to make it a new way of thinking! It is a positive outlook. A humanistic view of chronic is bad and gloomy and dark and death and someone who is bad cuz they smoke weed… laughing… really I am. This darkness has got to work in a positive way for me and us so I am declaring a light up the chronic and let the angels speak democracy. A democracy that can lead with a republican-angelistic type view and a liberal-type physical approach to instituting peace and quiet on this earth for all humans right here right now. Why not? This political approach I am just using as an antonym so if you declare a political view please don’t get your undies in a bunchie. If you find yourself getting agitated well then just light up in 2020 cuz you will finally be able to go buy some weed legally in Ch-town people. I am an advocate for cannibus. Just like Kat Williams says, smoke some weed and just see how it changes your life to.... f+++it......for real, he wasn’t lying. We all get wadded up in a ball somehow-someway over things and finding the way out often feels challenging even though all we really have to do is just let go of it… that simple, but sometimes we need assistance getting into that letting go mode… I am pure 100% example and proud of it. I hear and see angels speak daily now and it is wonderful. 100% wonderful thanks to discovering all the ways I can get my mind to blank out, this includes meditation and yes sometimes cannibus.


Why do we need to meditate? Why do we need to be quiet and gain a sense of peace? Well, very simply Sh++ happens. But again, another antonym coming your way….  Sh++ is the darkness eventually moving to lightness so if you can hang in there and muster up some nice smelling essential oils to mask the smell of sh++ then you might be in good hands. If you can go and be quiet and sleep and rejuvenate and gain a new perspective then sh++ can change. If you can know and believe that tomorrow really is a new day and life goes on then you will be in good hands with yourself, even in your own sh++. I became ONE with the angels years ago and it really is a high, a new high that seems surreal just like death sometimes. When I speak of angels I am also talking about spirit. Anything that is connected with “Source”, “God”, “Kharma” , etc are all the same to me. I believe we are all in this together and we all came up with our own ways to talk about it and relate to it. The  idea that we are all energy and connected to each other.


I could really go on and on and on and on and bore the sh++ out of you… well maybe I should? :) Point is,  when things get tough, light up the chronic and let the angels speak. This is SO metaphoric I can’t even stand it. Chronic as in let the darkness shift you to the lightness. Chronic as in get OFF your disease and let your body heal. Chronic as in we all have something that can serve as a vice to chill out and be at peace. Angels as in the connection we have amongst each other. Angels as in let the light shine down and let us see and hear what is reality. Angels as in let our human ways subside momentarily so we can see and hear the goodness that is life. Angels as in let us be quiet so we can gain clarity on who and what we are in this lifetime.


I write this blog in honor of Pat, my stepmother. I was lucky enough to have 2 moms in this lifetime. They both have passed within the last 8 weeks of each other. I am beside myself. They both had chronic diseases. Pat passed away from congestive heart disease and my mom passed away of ovarian cancer. Pat was a 2nd mom, never the stereotypical stepmom. She aided me in many ways that my mom did not know how.  She was a “mom” that balanced me out from the inside out in many ways. She was always a beacon of light and cheer and fun. She has now become this icing on my own personal life cake that is formulating the human being that I have always been so fearful to let out. Pat’s passing has now lead me to even more unfamiliar territory in life. That darkness that eventually turns to light. So for now I light up the chronic and let the angels speak so I can get by day by day.

This blog is extended into many upcoming if you care to tune in... 

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9/20/2019

#watchmefly- week #208- 4 years later…

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September will always hold a very sentimental vision and feeling for me. My Birth Day, the month I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the month my grandmother passed away, and now the month that I spread my mothers ashes in the ocean. Herbst is my last name. It means “Fall/Autumn” in the German language. Fall is a season of taking stock and stocking up, appreciation, convening with family and friends, honoring death, all the green turning to colorful leaves, balancing light and dark, letting go, and accepting the impermanence of things. HHHmmm… what a broken record of my past 4 years. My oh my how mother nature emulates human existence. I am in awe each day. I am living and witnessing the process of caterpillar to butterfly through and before my very own eyes within my SELF. (Egg, Caterpillar, Cocoon, Butterfly) Gee, 4 stages/seasons, who woulda thunk. I am somewhere between Cocoon and Butterfly. I was recently reminded that even between those stages there are more stages of change that take place to fully become each stage. So if I were to be specific, the butterfly doesn’t just break through and fly out in a day, it hibernates, changes/transforms, starts to break through slowly, gets each wing out, gets the body out, spreads the wings, sits in stillness, then flies. #watchmefly has been a process, not just a journey. I remember I gave myself 1 year to “get through this”. I chuckle and laugh now at that Tami. But I still love her and appreciate that she took the time to acknowledge and appreciate and grow and expand.


Awakening, transformation, expansion, darkness and light, law of attraction, unconditional love, connection, clarity, peace, and now stillness,  ALL encapsulate my last 4 years. I am changed. I am different. I am sure. I am grounded. I can now acknowledge I AM part of the all encompassing energy that is light and love and god/source/allah/buddha whatever you believe or words you choose to me it is all the sameness and a oneness. There is no right or wrong. There is no better or worse. It just is what it is. Everything is ok. Everything is always working out for us. There is no problem or issue to fix, it is just understanding ourselves and the body and mind and spirit and emotions and the concept of being human and the concept of being spirit at the same time! wtf! yeah! I can understand why I was confused all these years. Then throw in past lifetimes. wtf! I think I was a young black man and a Russian in my past lives. I know this because it helps everything make sense. Or I just want to believe that so I can continue putting together my own life puzzle. At least it’s interesting and I never get bored. We create our own realities people so sky is the limit! It's wonderful!


Besides spiritual growth which I was in desperate need of and will continue to do until I am no longer part of my physical body, I basically health coached myself into the present state of existence. I actually “became” a health coach as well. I can now better understand the concept of exercise, nutrition, and the whole mind/body/soul concept because I have and am still living it. I would often get frustrated being a trainer because I could not explain and coach how to really encompass ones’ own health. I understood the 2-dimensional concept of calories in, calories out, effective and efficient exercises, setting goals, discipline and routine. Do they work? Yes. But I don’t know 1 person that lives life by sheer discipline that is happy and healthy. Now I understand. It’s just letting all my experience and info marinate into my mind and body and letting my soul take over to deliver the message in a way the resonates with all us humans. Shit! Now I really gotta live and practice what I preach. I will. I am. I will continue to do. I am still a work in progress and this time I am ok with that… it’s ok to deliver messages when you are “in the works” BUT to my experience it is also about being in alignment with yourself and letting all those who are seeking out those messages come to you. You don’t  need to go to them, then it feels forced and that there is a “rightness” in what you are delivering and that is just not the case. It’s just more info that might help us humans understand, digest, and live fuller lives while we are “here” on earth. There are no cookie cutter answers, it is just case by case and what feels good for each individual. At least that’s what I have seen and felt over the past 4 years.


So this long winded 4 years stuff has turned into how I am evolving as a human and a spirit. It has shown me my disconnection and now connectedness to all that exists. It has taught me that there is light and dark and they are BOTH valuable and VERY much needed to expand and grow in our lifetimes. I have witnessed much beauty, sadness, aliveness, confusion, clarity, peace, rage, and my new experience of stillness. Tears and smiles fill each day. I have started and continue to lift the heaviness and actually FEEL lighter. My digestion is improving. My lymphatic system is in check. My immune system, a work in progress from the ups and downs of life. My PH levels better with a lemon each day and old habits subsiding. My relationships improving. My love now unconditional. Judgement and criticism only creep up during my egotistical moments, which are few nowadays. Self love is at a high and self loathing at an all-time low. Depression, only when I drink/overeat and feel sorry for myself and let the negative and darkness rule my inner being. Alignment of soul/self seems to occur when I practice meditation each day. Stress and anxiousness disappear when I practice mindful breathing techniques. My breast cancer subsides and chills out when all is good in the hood. This is a lifetime commitment and journey so I guess you could say I married my SELF. I look to my SELF for happiness and bliss instead of another person or things. I take one day at time, live in the moment, appreciate, love, smile, take deep breaths, and enjoy life. That’s what I know to date. ​



​thx for reading! xo Tami

before and afterS and in the works...

on the go all the time...                          relaxed.....
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starting to break out of shell...           overworrying about things...
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roadtrip explorations towards the authentic ME....
can't let go of some egotistical ways....
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beginning to connect and appreciate and say thank you....
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a deeper understanding of who and why i am the  way i am /was
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my spirit gods and goddesses and connectedness...
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i physically took out the trash and cleaned my closets...
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made time for the Fam and Friends...

appreciated the concept/bond/power in family...
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learned how to BE love and SPREAD love...                                                             started to fully LIVE and BE the BOSS of my  life....
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made amends with my SELF...                                    explored food for medicine concept....               made new friends....
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took stock of my life and how i was living and what i believed and perception...
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started to include green at every meal...
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started to explore by myself...
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said goodbyes...
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started new beginnings...                                                                                             reached for only the best feelings...
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strengthened bond of family...
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appreciated friend time, work, break time, and mother nature perks....
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learned and appreciated the connection of my girls and protection, belief, and support...
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saw a human in all aspects from mom to daughter to sister to lover to friend to companion to spirit which helped me stand tall, instilled color and bliss in my life, allowed me to see grace and gangsta in the same breath, and gave me the gift of self love and belief and trust and learning how to move through it all with grace...
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took time to have fun and appreciate the moment and actually FEEL it....
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slowly realizing LOVE is all around me and i just have to let it in....
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and when you get knocked down... be appreciative of the process, it's how you get back on your feet, and there is more light in the end of the tunnel than you can even imagine....

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8/29/2019

i lived a fabulous life... and life goes on...what will you do with yours?

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Simply The Best!
​
That is what she was. That is what she is . That is what she wanted to be. That is what everyone around her thought. Mama was the best and she lived a fabulous life. Judy was a great friend, great companion, superb mom, good human being, and the best team player. Judy was a professional and made strides for women on a daily basis. A mom that loved her family and continuously poured her heart into caring, supporting, and bettering her relationships. A sister that enjoyed companionship and smart ass comments with her beloved Janet. A friend that guided the young, kept up with the young at heart, and cradled the ones ready to lead their best life and enter the final 1/4 of life.

Mama passed away from ovarian cancer. Mama fought until the end. Mama looked glamorous. We held mamas hands as she transitioned. A beautiful soul. My sister and I witnessed the journey that mama took the last 10 months. We are changed. We are in awe of her presence and seek out her essence every day from sunrise to sunset to dark nights to sunny days. We got to see Judy, Mama, Companion, Friend, Sister, and Soul. It was beautiful.

We love you mama. XO
​
5-1-46 to 7-24-19
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Yes mom has transitioned. Yes we are deeply saddened beyond words. Yes she passed too soon. Yes we thought she would be the last to go and she was the first. Just like a true soldier she held true to her team and gave it all she had to be present until she could no longer. She was the essence of team player and the brightest star on the team EVERY TIME. As her children, no we didn't understand her every move... until now. I am humbled. She is STILL making moves. I know she is. Our lives are changed and things are going through contrast then they look even BRIGHTER the next day. It may sound crazy to say but I do feel her wings cradling me every day right now. She is not and has not forgotten. She is not just another human that passed away SHE is the brightest star in the sky tonight that is giving hope and confidence and support to those in need. THAT is the essence of why my mom was on this earth besides giving life to my sister and I. My mom would want us all to push forward and shine. My mom was my biggest fan and I know 100% that she believed in me and my processes and journey through life. She wanted so much to be part of every single minute no matter what. She wanted to see the growth and SHINE in everybody. So that is what we MUST do.  Be our BEST so we can then be the most helpful on this earth while we are here! THAT is what she would want so THAT is what we must be. So if you wish to honor the greatness of Judy, just be the best you and let your light shine.

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8/28/2019

mama

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7/24/2019

flowers for the queen who gave us freedom

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leave a FB comment for my mom here

or leave a comment below if you cannot post on her memorialized FB page

www.fabulousjudy.com

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6/22/2019

LEAD WITH LOVE…

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We are all just a spec on this earth and we are all connected in some capacity. There is something bigger out there besides living here on earth. We are all spirit, not just a human body, and we are all learning how to be the best versions of ourselves  while we are here on earth. Forgiving and forgetting is wonderful because what “happened” or what “was” is no longer reality and living in the “now” is what is real.  These are my thoughts and beliefs about life today and how we can best get “through it all”.

My mom once told me if you don’t want anyone to know then don’t do it. A prelude to steering “you” in the best direction possible. The whole feel good-feel bad syndrome. Always shoot for what feels good, not what feels bad. If it feels bad, go the other direction! Quickly! If you don’t know what to do then be quiet, go home, meditate or sleep and then get up and do a re-try.

As I journey through the past 4 years of my own personal life I just can’t believe where I am. I can’t believe all the feelings and emotions and excursions and transformations and expansions and “things” that have evolved and shown themselves or I just finally saw them. Not sure. But oh well who cares how they got here I am in a place that is very unfamiliar and strangely beautiful.

I feel kinda 1-track minded as I preach “lead with love”. I can’t say I feel like doing it every moment in time but I often remind myself each day when I encounter a not so good feeling. I guess I became kinda contradictory but life is a learning lesson from start to finish. If I could be in complete peace and bliss 100% of the time I might have some better info for you.  But to be honest I am not. I have sad days and confusing days and peaceful days and angry days and annoyed days and happy days and playful days and insecure days and heavy days. This is all part of being human.  We are spirit that lives in this body and we have emotions and our brains think constantly! Welcome to life!

All I can say is to live the most peaceful and blissful life is to always “lead with love”. That is my only advice. I don’t have any “right” answer or words of wisdom from all that I have encountered except “lead with love”. Now if you think about this it may seem a bit hard but really all you need to do is start “catching yourself” in the times where you are feeling less than love. Whether it be a a lost job, a fight, a betrayal, a death, a bad decision, a disagreement, a bad relationship, a breakup, just feeling dark, etc, basically anything that doesn’t feel good, idk you can just be quiet and try to draw a blank and get back to yourself and love your self enough to lead with love and get back to your self. THEN possibly  a blissful life IS possible and all people on the earth ARE really trying to be good and be good human beings.

The mind is a trickster and we are all in the same ball park just trying to be “here”. I continue watching day after day and observe what everyone does and how they react and what feelings are prompted by certain actions or situations and how they are just getting by right now, what they talk about and how they project themselves. I see it and feel it much more clearly and have come to a conclusion… lead with love… those are my only words right now, the only thoughts and feelings I am having, the best advice or words I can give anybody right now in any situation.

Lead with Love. Lead with Love. Lead with Love. That’s all I can say. I try my best. Sometimes emotions get the best of me, I am human, and the love thoughts go out the door. I get it. If we can get through all the emotions and crap and finally come back to love THEN life can be much fuller and happier and peaceful and fulfilled. When we don’t lead with love we are only hurting ourselves, contrary to what we think might be hurting the other person? Why would we do that? Why would we want to make someone else feel bad or even worse?

Love and roses and sunshine and warm fuzzies are all we deserve and IT IS possible. Of course contrast in life happens but that is how we keep growing and expanding. My personal experience with family is they are there no matter what and they stay no matter what and try to love how they know best. They are who we chose when we came here and I think we all feel and know it subconsciously. Friends are  connections we have formed based on what we are vibrating currently and attracting. Lovers are those we want briefly in our life to fulfill a desire Or they are longer term and “here” to help us grow and teach us lessons and grow and expand as a human. Come to think of it really all relationships can be these types of situations so it is just humans in general… I think???? I love my family, I love my friends, I love my exes, I love the humans I get annoyed with, I love all my co-workers, and I love myself when I just can’t seem to find a good feeling, that is how I surpass it all.

So if you are a person who doesn’t understand my reactions, who is my friend but I seem aloof and not there, who is my family but I am unavailable, who is my love and/or lover but I seem gone or not what you want at that time, or I am someone who you don’t  know or understand, or i am latching on in some way cuz I feel alone, or i just brain farted and forgot something,  just remember that everyone is doing the best that they can at every moment in time. EVERYONE. Even the people that are around you that seem to be in a place that feels sad or mad or frustrated or angry or annoyed, etc. YOU might be in that place as well but it is very dig outable! Guess what? Leading with love works! AND I know this for sure so you should try it! TRUST ME. LOVE U. I don't even know what I am saying right now but I hope maybe it helps in some capacity? If you ignore me I am not offended and I believe you will be out there doing all that you can do and I am happy about that! 

Thx for listening!

​Tami XO

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4/21/2019

Waiting for the sunshine…

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Yellow is my favorite color. I also love flowers, cats, big hugs, flip flops, sweater boots, and lots of action and adventure. I like to be around happy people, funny jokes, and nature. I realize that I REALLY am enthralled with using my senses and experiencing anything that has to do with taste, touch, sound, smell, and anything visual. I like to be and feel stimulated in some essence at every moment in time. This idea of slowing down, being mindful and in the moment has taken a whole new meaning and is showing me how to be able to create my own sunshine instead of waiting for it...

Talking about the weather…. Super boring but I guess conversational in the elevator?…. The weather is often associated with how we are feeling, so I guess that is why we talk about the weather so much… not sure. I know conversation is a sign of being pleasant but I am kinda over it. I have been in observation mode for a while now and realize that I have the power to create my own sunshine. Yes I am that powerful. WE are that powerful. Instead of talking about the weather why not create days and nights and weeks and months and years and relationships and atmospheres that FEEL like sunshine?!  I am officially tuning out any negative nancy's and dumb a++ comments including ones that might come out of my mouth. :) It's all a journey folks it's all a journey and really not that serious. :)

I am definitely in a wacky and expansive and transitional time yet again in my life, but thankful, and yes very thankful that all this contrast in LIFE is pushing me to learn HOW to create my own sunshine. I don’t have it down pat, and I still look to external things to ease my sorrows BUT I feel the tides turning and am so excited to keep going! This whole emotional scale of feel good to doesn’t feel good is really helping. I can’t believe that I lived a life not knowing how to deal with emotions and feelings and living so numb that day to day became the most mundane. Always on the go, and always just going through the motions. My most prized gift to date has got to be learning how to reconnect with myself and really feel and live life. So THANKS to the previous years, and previous peoples, and previous situations that I have experienced to date because it has all lead me to HERE, right now, this very moment that is reality for me.

I am slowly but surely reaching for the sunshine each and every day. I have been graced with a life and some pretty caring and interesting people that surround me each and every day. I maintain a pattern of meditation, healthy eating, exercise, positive thoughts, sleep and relaxation. I look forward to socializing and participating in life nowadays and realize that is part of why we are here. If we are energy all connected and all part of the same then it makes sense that we would want to interact with each other and make life grand! Lifting each other up can sure create the most awesome sunshine.

So today I am declaring a re-birth, figured I was being religiously appropriate to some extent. :) I have talked about being excited for the 2nd half of my life and this topic of CREATING SUNSHINE put a whole new  outlook on what remains to still be seen and experienced in this lifetime.  So cheers to sunshine and cheers to OUR sunshine. I wish you the biggest amount of sunshine on those days and seasons that are cloudy or stormy. I can embrace the rain but I still love sunshine the most and it just seems to feed my soul. And so if life…. So thanks to my family who has been through all the seasons and storms together and here is hoping and thinking and wishing that the future feels mostly like SUNSHINE!
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    Tami xo
    It's a long story.
    I have documented parts of my Cancer Journey starting in November 2015.
    ​Thx for reading.

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