Today is a new day. The sun always rises. The sky is always just there. You can feel what the weather is each day. It always just is and it’s truth. These are such big and profound yet simple partners we are all lucky to witness and live with throughout our time on earth.No matter the weather, we can exist and create our own realities each and every day. No matter the weather, this human nature stuff always seems to be there through thick and thin. The water, mountains, trees, flowers, animals, and people keep coming and going and growing and expanding and changing and are just being. When I think about life this way all theother stuff seems pretty irrelevant and unimportant.
Yesterday was the past and is no longer reality. The process of letting go is often what we can do as humans to keep moving forward in a happy and healthy manner so we can enjoy life. Sometimes I wish I was like a tree or the sun cuz then I don’t have to get caught up in all this human emotion. It’s been a process to really build a solid core of a human being to be able to really say I can enjoy life, I can cope with life, I can enjoy all that is around me. Perhaps some will never get there until they pass. Not sure. I believe in the law of attraction and the laws of the universe and my pending questions are… When you pass is it like you are free in every way? Do you get a snapshot of your life and all the puzzle pieces just make sense instantaneously? This seems amazing. I hope this is what happens.
Tomorrow is still a dream. It’s too far ahead to worry and get anxious about. Step by step. Day by day. Everything is ok. Everything is always working out for us. That’s what I keep telling myself. 4 years ago when I declared “watchmefly” as a motto to coach myself through healing naturally from cancer I had no idea I would be here. These slivers of my tomorrow have been very profound. I knew the theme of really embarking on a “letting go” process would be intrinsic anatomically, emotionally, spiritually, and mindfully. I remember not being sure and am still willing to try or do anything just for the experience to help myself and/or others. I did not realize or want to accept that “letting” go also meant people, places, things, and relationships. I slowly learned all the attachments we have as humans and that we really are divine just the way we are. Now if we could all just really believe this, THAT would be wonderful and I am sure there would be less chaos and drama in the world and within ourselves.
My today, yesterday, and tomorrow is filled with death. The thought of death to me has always been a thing that happens. Yes it is sad. But not scary and running from death type of feeling. I enter the 2nd half of my life experiencing the death of my 2 mothers over the past few months. I have lots of words that need to be organized and let go so I can keep moving forward. Strangely, at the same time my today, yesterday, and tomorrow are also filled with beauty. I have and continue to be given many chances to enhance my self and my life. It’s really true that all you have to do is chill out and get in alignment and let all things come to you. I am trying to stay in alignment so I attract what I desire in this lifetime. I have been presented vivid examples within myself, my family, my friends, and people in general of how we live and how we can make it great. I have received great gifts that will forever change my life and my self so I can continue to reach bliss hopefully in this lifetime. So as I wipe my tears every day I am so in awe and appreciative for all that is, what once was, and what will be.
As I mourn and go through grief I try to keep standing tall so I can still share and give my experience to others in hopes that we all can continue to live and learn. I am still here. We are still here. Life has not wiped me on the ground and I don’t struggle, I thrive through the pain. Death is a prime example of what life is… the contrast of light and dark, that is life. We need that in order to get to where we want to be. To get what we desire. In fact there is daily dark and light so we have chance after chance to keep at it, to get it, to keep going, to look at things differently, to love more, to give more, to receive more, to experience more, to chill more, to create more, to laugh more, to smile more, to cherish more.
Today I kinda feel like a snake that sheds skin. Slowly but surely I have been shedding layer by layer of old stuff that once was. The process is transformative and expansive and loving and connected all at the same time. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have and continue to be in very unfamiliar territory and it is eye opening. I just keep reminding myself to breathe. This tomorrow stuff feels a little wobbly but we all continue and do the best we can. I write this blog again in honor of my 2nd mom, Pat, who gave me the biggest gifts by being her self and displaying freedom, fun and creativity, and lead a non-discriminating life on every level. She was the perfect 2nd mom. My moms complemented each other perfectly and gave me the best experience as a daughter.I had different relationships with my moms and they both were very deeply connected. Their deaths have given me the most profound look at my self and life. Thanks moms!
There is much to be said about peace and quiet. Ironically, silence can be deafening. If there is one thing I know for sure that I have gained the past 4 years, it is a sense of who I am, what I am, and sometimes just not knowing. The magic trick has been training my mind to completely blank out. To reach that shut off mode, like when you meditate. The other magic trick has been to actually stay in that zone amidst chaos and to milk it when you are vibrating on a high and sunshiny mode. Then, you know you might be on to something new for yourself.What is that something? It kinda feels like the angels speaking out loud and you feel like you hear and see a message loud and clear. It is a peaceful and quiet message. However, it is so big that it seems and feels loud and overpowers everything going on around you and within you. I guess you could call this being in alignment according to the law of attraction. It sometimes feels very emotional I think because when you are new at seeing and discovering and hearing in a different way it is really overwhelming. It changes you every single time.
It can be as chronic as a human disease. So I will let it be chronic. I love chronic. Darkness to lightness is needed to transform and often times leads us to where we want to be and who we want to be. I am a writer and I love metaphors and simile’s and antonyms AND being grammatically incorrect. I also LOVE run-on sentences! SO, here is a BIG analytical one for you…If darkness is part of our existence just like dark starry nights, and lightness is part of our life like warm sunshiny days, then why can’t we all just get along and be happy? Why can’t we all just accept life and ourselves and keep it moving? Why? OH yeah, there is that 1 little thing called being a human. We have a brain and emotions and the world kicks in and we pay attention to everything and everyone around us and think THAT is our reality. Sorry but not sorry to say THAT is merely a second of your life then it is over. Oh yeah, THEN perception kicks in and we all have debates and turmoil kicks in and opinions and criticisms and more emotions and blah blah blah. Waaaahhhhh , my head is spinning, is yours???
WE create our own reality. WE have the power to create what is. WE can simply close our eyes and be in another reality that we create. It really is that easy. Easy but not easy I get it. It takes repetitious time just like you would try to exercise a few times a week. It takes believing in what you are doing? It takes not caring about what other people are saying and doing? It takes loving humans AND spirit so deeply that you appreciate what everyone is doing simultaneously just to be here on earth and just to experience and live on the leading edge every moment in time? It takes forming NO opinion and just listening and observing and shutting up for some amount of time? It is believing and knowing that everything is ok? It is letting your life come to a halt and just letting things be? It is letting the connection between human and spirit exist?
Chronic and angels in the same sentence just seems wrong but I love it and am going to make it a new way of thinking! It is a positive outlook. A humanistic view of chronic is bad and gloomy and dark and death and someone who is bad cuz they smoke weed… laughing… really I am. This darkness has got to work in a positive way for me and us so I am declaring a light up the chronic and let the angels speak democracy. A democracy that can lead with a republican-angelistic type view and a liberal-type physical approach to instituting peace and quiet on this earth for all humans right here right now. Why not? This political approach I am just using as an antonym so if you declare a political view please don’t get your undies in a bunchie. If you find yourself getting agitated well then just light up in 2020 cuz you will finally be able to go buy some weed legally in Ch-town people. I am an advocate for cannibus. Just like Kat Williams says, smoke some weed and just see how it changes your life to.... f+++it......for real, he wasn’t lying. We all get wadded up in a ball somehow-someway over things and finding the way out often feels challenging even though all we really have to do is just let go of it… that simple, but sometimes we need assistance getting into that letting go mode… I am pure 100% example and proud of it. I hear and see angels speak daily now and it is wonderful. 100% wonderful thanks to discovering all the ways I can get my mind to blank out, this includes meditation and yes sometimes cannibus.
Why do we need to meditate? Why do we need to be quiet and gain a sense of peace? Well, very simply Sh++ happens. But again, another antonym coming your way….Sh++ is the darkness eventually moving to lightness so if you can hang in there and muster up some nice smelling essential oils to mask the smell of sh++ then you might be in good hands. If you can go and be quiet and sleep and rejuvenate and gain a new perspective then sh++ can change. If you can know and believe that tomorrow really is a new day and life goes on then you will be in good hands with yourself, even in your own sh++. I became ONE with the angels years ago and it really is a high, a new high that seems surreal just like death sometimes. When I speak of angels I am also talking about spirit. Anything that is connected with “Source”, “God”, “Kharma” , etc are all the same to me. I believe we are all in this together and we all came up with our own ways to talk about it and relate to it. Theidea that we are all energy and connected to each other.
I could really go on and on and on and on and bore the sh++ out of you… well maybe I should? :) Point is,when things get tough, light up the chronic and let the angels speak. This is SO metaphoric I can’t even stand it. Chronic as in let the darkness shift you to the lightness. Chronic as in get OFF your disease and let your body heal. Chronic as in we all have something that can serve as a vice to chill out and be at peace. Angels as in the connection we have amongst each other. Angels as in let the light shine down and let us see and hear what is reality. Angels as in let our human ways subside momentarily so we can see and hear the goodness that is life. Angels as in let us be quiet so we can gain clarity on who and what we are in this lifetime.
I write this blog in honor of Pat, my stepmother. I was lucky enough to have 2 moms in this lifetime. They both have passed within the last 8 weeks of each other. I am beside myself. They both had chronic diseases. Pat passed away from congestive heart disease and my mom passed away of ovarian cancer. Pat was a 2nd mom, never the stereotypical stepmom. She aided me in many ways that my mom did not know how.She was a “mom” that balanced me out from the inside out in many ways. She was always a beacon of light and cheer and fun. She has now become this icing on my own personal life cake that is formulating the human being that I have always been so fearful to let out. Pat’s passing has now lead me to even more unfamiliar territory in life. That darkness that eventually turns to light. So for now I light up the chronic and let the angels speak so I can get by day by day.
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These are my personal experiences, opinions, and beliefs about chronic disease and how we all have the power to self-heal. My intention is to give hope, inspiration, and examples of possibility so people can find the strength and information to make informed decisions based on their personal beliefs and needs regarding health. The overall goal is to help ease personal suffering and help people discover that a happy, healthy, and abundant life awaits them.