Gee it sure flew by! September 2015 feels like a lifetime ago. Perhaps because I have made so many changes and had many new experiences. I am happy to be coming out of my winter hibernation cave and back to the real world with my real jobs. :) I recently ended my hiatus with a 15 day road trip. It was just what my soul needed. These 6 months have been like rediscovering myself. My likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and opening a whole body of emotions that I think just needed to escape this body. Even though the 15 days were super adventurous, they were filled with ups and downs emotionally. At one point I discovered that I had been blaming myself for getting breast cancer. I needed to forgive myself and let it all out. I believe the way we live our lives contributes to our health, so I do take responsibility, and have really pushed myself to move forward and out of this dark hole. It's not always the obvious stuff like what you eat or not exercising or beating up on your body with bad things like smoking or drugs or alcohol or junk foods that just contribute to sickness. It is also about what I call the "happy factor", the "ego factor", the "soul factor", the "thinking factor" and the "emotion factor". I had a lot of learning to do AND it was all very worthwhile and eye opening. In fact, when I am declared cancer-free, I have NO DOUBT that these specifically were contributing to where I was in my life.
I will break down these 4 things so it makes a bit more sense and I will be very simplistic as well. The "happy factor" is what I consider to be the things you are physically doing to make your life complete. Who you surround yourself with AND What you do day to day that makes your days go by in a flash or drag on forever. As I move into even more happiness, the days seem short and I seem to appreciate and enjoy the little things (ie: a cup of coffee, the sun, brushing the cats, waking up, my nice home, etc). The "ego factor" is simply understanding we are separate from our bodies and our thoughts. WHO we are is not our body and our mind. I now consider my ego like my shadow, she needs to follow my lead and understand that my soul is in charge. :) It is hard not to get wrapped up into ego garbage and I am still working on it, but when we live in an ego driven culture, it makes things pretty difficult. I feel like I need a shield. The "soul factor" which is my favorite is what I refer to as WHO I am and WHAT I am. I believe Soul is what connects us all and makes us one in this world, which means YES we are all the same and equal even if we look physically different. Each soul has a purpose while we are here on earth and that is what can guide us in healthy ways to really make the most of life while we are here. The "thinking factor" has got all of us fooled at one time or another. The brain is tricky and with all the swift marketing and advertising these days we are all sure to be fooled into thinking ways that are detrimental. This factor I have been working on for years. This factor is part of the reason I started a fly girl. The idea of re-training your brain with positive thoughts. Imagine how your life could change instantaneously just by the thoughts you have or what you CHOOSE to believe as your truth. YES it is that simple. Try it. If you are in a situation where you are thinking someone is hating on you in some capacity, imagine and think thoughts that they just love you so much and think you are the bomb. You have to believe it. It changes how you interact. It puts you at ease and not feeling negative or defensive. It might take a while to learn this process, but it DOES work. The mind is tricky! The not so fav, the "emotion factor". It sucks to feel crappy. It sucks to feel insecure. It sucks to feel fearful. It sucks to be angry. It sucks to feel jealous. Sometimes we are even our worst enemies by not allowing ourselves to feel love, joy, laughter, cheer, or pure awesomeness. I battle emotions day to day, especially with cancer, and i am learning it is part of the process of life. I understand the uncomfortable feelings will disappear sooner than later and it just is.... I also am happy to know that as life gets even more full and we master all these "factors" there CAN be LESS sucky emotions! I am waiting patiently as I trudge down this path.
I was on the treadmill today at the gym when I saw on TV a commercial about the glass 1/2 full or empty concept. It was saying how it is always FULL because it is essentially 1/2 water and 1/2 air, BOTH which fill the space. I thought about this concept and how it applies to life and was glad that this new concept was introduced because it is so true. Your glass IS always FULL, it depends on what YOU fill it with! This concept definitely summarizes a BIG lesson I have been learning throughout this journey. I am also happy to report I have always been on the best path for me. THIS time in my life is just letting me glimpse back and see the strides I have made and assures me that everything is ok. I have had so many little AHA moments and MANY moments where I just start crying. So if you see me and I cry it is not a bad thing. It is a cry that just needs to leak out momentarily, these cries are just coming randomly and not really at the most opportune moments though. Yesterday I was interviewing a candidate for a fitness instructor position and I started crying, pretty embarrassing. It got worse when I couldn't stop. :) I wasn't balling, but it was definitely uncontrollable. I left feeling pretty stupid but now that I think about it, it is just part of this whole process.
It is interesting when you are open with yourself, with people and the world. WHAT magically appears is love and support from unsuspecting people, places, and situations. I have had so many moments of pure bliss these past 6 months. I can only attribute this to living my truth and being open and honest. I hope it continues. It's awesome. I now wake up in the morning WITHOUT the overwhelming feeling of anxiety about what I need to accomplish that day and in life. This was an every day occurrence for me for many years. Pressure on myself to be successful. I always re-defined success for myself as doing what makes me happy, but would always allow myself to feel pressure to make more money or do more or be more. A pressure I put on myself. I was also leading a very restricted life because of my thoughts. I thought I had everything pretty much figured out...... NOPE! I have prided myself in always doing self- help and being the best that I can be. However, I have also created many hardships for myself and have bailed myself (sometimes with help) out of every situation. Boy was I being egotistical this whole time, because now God said.... HERE- try out cancer and let's see how you get through this one..... thx God. I truly mean it. Cancer has changed my life in many good ways and I am hopeful to tell you shortly that I am cancer-free. I am not sure I will feel relieved. I honestly feel like I am healed. I felt from the beginning that this was my best option to create success. I also know that the journey will not stop. I consider this the 1/2 way point. It't like losing weight. You can shed 20 pounds but then HOW do you keep it off? So lucky for you my blogging will never stop:). We will keep learning together and sharing and hopefully we can all move even closer to our own happy life!
I have 3 cancer tests lined up over the next 4 weeks. an HCG test ( pea in a cup and dry it up and mail it to the Philippines), a thermogram ( digital pictures from and old school looking camera that connects to a computer) and the 3rd will likely be an ultra sound. I am opting out of a Mammogram and MRI because I have learning those are options that can likely contribute to breast cancer. I have a doctor appointment lined up last week of March. It is a new doctor that combines Western ( traditional) and Conventional medicine. It is the place where I also so a Naturopath so I am curious to see how they "handle" my situation. I say situation because I respect that a conventional doctor and hospital will likely tell me conventional answers. So if I am seeking natural healing why would I go to a conventional doctor? Insurance. I will go into another blog about money and insurance at later time.
I have reached my blog capacity so you don't get bored... :) So I will give you a pretty slide show of my 15 day road trip. All natural goodness in the pics! I will be using some of these as background pics for my new upcoming inspirational mottos. Thanks for reading and listening and traveling thus far with me!
Tami Herbst xo